Tuesday Toons

 

My family never ceases to amaze me, especially the men.  Remember I am married to a yankee transplant, so the communication between us is comical at best. 

Tom thinks that this (3) is "tree"......

He takes care of thins....instead of things.

I haven't figured out where "oava heee" is....and he can't find "yonder".

  He calls me via cell phone last week to say he's having troubles with Miss T's homework.  I say "fax it to me"...he keeps rambling on about how he doesn't know possessive singular crap....I say "fax it to me"....and he can't understand what the teacher is looking for....I say "fax it to me"...and then he says .....but I interrupt him to say "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME"?

"What'd you say"?  I said "I said fax it to me".....

(he says) "What?  You want a fat zucchini?  What's that got to do with .............."  I didn't hear the rest because my head fell onto my desk and my coworker came to my office to make sure I was ok.............

I just handed her the phone, tears running down my face with laughter........my back began to hurt and I could not breathe.

I think I got the fax eventually, but never the fat zucchini.

So my mom calls me to tell me what happened to them Sunday while driving around Wrightsville Beach.  Seems they were doing "routine traffic" stops for license checks.  Now, my stepDad had left his wallet in his truck and was driving Mom's car and told her this:  "what am I going to do?  Should we switch places?" 

Mom said of course not.  So they pulled up and the cop said "just a routine license check, can I see yours?" 

Pointing to my Mother in the passenger seat and without missing a beat, my stepDad said "I don't have my license, I'm riding with her". 

I am not kidding!  This must have stumped the cop good cause he just waved them on............

BUT, while I'm picking on pop, might as well tell you what he did at the farm last week.

We have 24 acres......farm equipment, goats, donkeys etc, and when stepDad is out there, he doesn't bother to run back to the proper facility to relieve himself of his liquids....he just finds a bush. 

He was driving his truck through the field and realized he had to pee......

He stopped the truck, got out and began "watering the plants".  He looked back and.........

          (are you ready?)

..........his truck was leaving him!  He had forgotten to put it in park and it was driving away.........he had to chase it down!  Thank GOD he caught it before it ran into the ditch or my house or my pool or worse!

Hey thanks for listening!