New ABC's

A is for apple, and B is for Boat,
>That used to be right, but now it won't float.
>Age before beauty is what we once said,
>But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
>
>Now, A's for arthritis;
>B's the bad back,
>C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac.
>D is for dental decay and decline;
>E is for eyesight, can't read that top line.
>
>F is for fissures and fluid retention,
>G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.
>H is high blood pressure -- I'd rather it be low;
>I for incisions with scars you can show.
>
>J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend.
>K is for knees that crack when they bend
>L for libido, what happened to sex?
>M is for memory, I forget! What comes next?
>
>N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
>O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow !
>P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
>Just give me a pill and I 'll be good as new.
>
>Q is for queas y, is it fatal or flu?
>R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
>S for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
>T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears.
>
>U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
>V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know.
>W is for worry, NOW what's going round?
>X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
>
>Y is another year I'm left here behind,
>Z is for zest that I still have -- in my mind.
>
>I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I've kept
>twenty-six doctors fully employed!!
>May your troubles be less, your blessings more and nothing but
>Happiness come through your door