Good to bad; crash n burn.

Like Jaws 2....just when you think it's safe...........

Mr Man has been quite good; "we" survived the wedding.  Mainly because I warned him that all eyes would be on him and his behavior regarding the drink.

So this week (Wednesday) he says he's feeling all "mushy in here" and points to his chest as if to say he really loves me.  Sometimes during the week I will text him a message that says "love you".

I get a text back normally "love you too"....this week I got the "love you too" and it was signed "mushy".

Let's all say it together....."awwwwwwwwww".

At night I usually reach over and touch his chest.  I get a "good night" from him, nothing outrageous, sometimes it's the little things that mean the most.

My stepDad came home on Thursday;  I ran some things over that Mom requested.  He looked great!  Still has a long recovery.  On Friday I went over and Mom gave me a grocery list.  So I call Tom to see if he's picking up Miss T.

Said he hadn't planned on it, but guess he could.  It was 1pm and I explained that I had been with the rents and had a shopping list.  Then I thought "why bother him?  I'm right here" so I called him back and said "nevermind, she can go with me".

He said "thanks, now I won't rush" from the restaurant job.  Besides there was really not a reason I couldn't get her. 

Tom picking her up is a decent excuse to keep him on the right track.

Note to self:  stick with your gut; stay with your instincts.

About 3:30 I called Mr Man who was still at the restaurant.  He wanted to rave about an upcoming "new" venture this owner had.  I said please talk to me when you get home.

HA!

I called a couple of times after that and didn't get an answer.  Then at 6pm I remembered ----- he had MY atm card.  I said to the Roomie "I'm going after it".

He wasn't at the restaurant.

So I headed to the "known" hangout road.....sure enough I spied the truck off the road parked in front of a trailer.  I whipped around and pulled down the dirt road and parked.....promptly walked to the door and tested it....the glass door was locked.

I beat on the door.....then I said OPEN THIS DOOR.

Nothing....but I heard people in the home (trailer) so I beat again and said OPEN THIS DOOR BECAUSE MY NEXT MOVE WILL BE TO BREAK IT!

It opened....a man blocked me from going in but I could see Tom was sitting in the room.  There was a woman in a chair opposite with a beer.  All that I saw in front of Tom was his cigarettes.  The guy refused to allow me in and I said "no problem but HE'S coming out NOW". 

Tom wouldn't budge.  Man and I kept up a banter and he got a lot of "I could care less" from me.  I told Tom to park the truck down the road a bit....he agreed.

BUT when we left and I turned to the right, HE turned to the left and proceeded to get on the major road and head towards home.  I had to do a spin around and catch up to him.

In the meantime I made a 9-1-1 call......then was transfered to highway patrol.  Would you belive I made 4 or 5 calls and could NOT get any help getting a drunk driver stopped?!?!?!?!?!  WTH???

I could really use a good cry..........but I am not able to muster up the tears yet.  I am so totally confused.  Yet I should not be, because this is in many ways "normal" and sometimes expected.

I can't help but wonder if he's trying to get me to make the first move.  He comes across like he's pushing me to the point of tossing him out, so he can blame it all on me.

I ran away......roomie and Miss T and myself ran over to the beachhouse last night.  Just to get away.  It was nice.  We grabbed some snacks and a couple of pizza's and just chilled.

Today we spent most of our time filtering through shells on the beach.  The weather was perfect!  The girls and I enjoyed our down time. 

I was explaining to roomie how depressed I have been for most of this year.  My spirit is broken.   There is not a light in my eyes anymore.

I'm on a roller coaster.......and I don't even like roller coasters.