First I will remind myself and others that I did not ask for an alcoholic Father. I didn't select this man to give me life, this man that is totally unable to own up to being a father.
He was never around when I was growing up - well he was rarely around. As a union electrician he felt it best to work out of town because that's where the money was.
But his family didn't see much of that at all. If it had not been for my Papa and Nanny we would have been starving and naked.
In a few weeks I will be 43.
I have not talked with my Father since late Feb/early March when we were making plans to attend an out of town dance competition. That was fine with me.
At that time he was about to have a court date. Seems one of his latest "girlfriend's" fell and broke a wrist and of course they arrested him for assault / resisting arrest and who knows what.
I just figured he was in jail.
Until 3 days ago. He called and I ignored the phone because at first I didn't recognize the number.
Then I told Miss T who it was and she answered it...talked then gave me the phone.
He had obviously had a couple of drinks.
This man is uncapable of being a "father".
The conversation is always more of a joke....lots of jokes. He is not concerned with our welfare or life. He just checks in every once and a while to "look good".
Last night his number popped up on my caller ID....Miss T said "who is it?" and when I told her, even she wouldn't answer the phone. He rang my cell 2x....then my Mom called to say he had called her house "because it's important".....yeah right. I turned off the cell.
It's usually "someone is after" him; or he's sad and lonely living in the past, "boo hoo I lost your Momma" BS. They've been divorced for over 30 years GET OVER IT and stop whining to me about it I DON'T CARE!!
I don't care. I really don't. It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit if he never called again. Is that so terrible?
Once upon a time I would have given anything to be Daddy's girl; I think I actually had some fantasy idol imagry of him.
But not anymore.
It's a part of my life that is soooooooo in the past that I don't care much to dig it up.
My father doesn't have any children that will have a relationship with him. My brother was adopted by my stepDad and his 2 kids will NEVER know my Father; my oldest brother (which I never found out about until I was 22) doesn't have a relationship with him either nor does his daughter.
So he's basically "alone" in this world except for a sister and an aunt and her family that puts up with him.
From time to time I have family historical questions I'd like answered but there is only one person left on that side of my family that might could answer those. My great-grandfather was of Indian descent somehow....that's the questions I'd like the answer to. His only living daughter has the family Bible. Guess I could call her before she expires. Once her kids get it, I'll never get the information.
I have not seen my Father's sister in years. Last time I laid eyes on her, we were both going into the same store and I made sure she was in way before me and I stayed on the opposite side at all times.
I didn't want to hear it or get into it with her.
She doesn't bother to contact me and I didn't want to be chastized for "you never call me".
Well the shoe fits both feet ladies and gentlemen! And way back when you would drive PAST my house to take MY GRANDMOTHER somewhere and NEVER STOP still sticks in my mind.
Forgive and forget? I have for the most part. I just don't have any desire to be a part of that side of the family.