Thursday, August 30, 2007

Last Comic Standing

Is anyone watching this Last Comic Standing show? 

I wasn't till about a month ago.  That's how it is with me....I let them weed out the not-so-good contestants on one of these type programs and then I may watch the finals.

They are now down to 4............they started knocking off one a week.

I've gotta say that I think the Canadian and the Redneck are funnier than the man and the woman.

So I'm voting for JON REEP!!  He's from Hickory NC and I think he's a hoot....he's also been in the Dodge Hemi commercials.

Yep.....check him out!

and go vote for Jon Reep at



Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Hump Day Again

Wow....already?  Gee time flies.......

Sigh, let me see.....


Mr Man update.  The hospital called yesterday to check in on Tom...roomie had answered phone and I could hear him saying "yeah, fine, no problems.....Oh, I have a question.  Can I drink a glass of wine?"

Lady says yes...............HUH?

We call back and say to her "Do you realize you just told a chronic, active Hep patient that he could drink alcohol?"

Of course she didn't realize it and she immediately called him back to say "Ooops I made a mistake and just realized that as a Hep patient NO you can NOT drink alcoholic products."

This all stemmed from the fact that, once again, he had been drinking wine and said it was not a big deal.  So he wants to prove us right and asks this nursie person.  He didn't bank on being overheard and us BUSTING him on it by having her call back.

(I heard y'all ---- that's with a capital    thank you!)


Miss T is enjoying 5th grade so far.  She got the teachers that she wanted and needed.  I think that will help her a lot this year.  She is beginning to have the "big girl on campus" attitude and that is great....she's normally so docile.  '

But of course this morning she's ill with me - I'm the one on her case to get up and get going....we were working on an "All About Me" sheet.  I didn't like her answers and she didn't like my suggestions.  For instance, "Five words that describe me are......." and she wrote Johnny Depp .............. now, she is NOT JD at all.......

I said that they were looking for describing words like "fun, silly, nice, friendly.........etc"

"Moooooooooooooooooooooooom!"  Ugh!

Once Mr Man had returned from dropping her off at school I said "What shoes did she wear?".

him "Her tennis shoes"      me "Really?"

"yeah...she had those pink socks"

I said "the pink socks that are laying on the couch?"

He said "I don't know where they were."

I say...."the socks that are ON the COUCH?"

He didn't get it.

I said "Tom, the socks are still on the couch and both pair of tennis shoes are right here......what shoes did she wear?"

"I don't know"

I'm thinking she wore those nasty, blown out flip flops.  I almost went to the school to make her trade shoes.  When she gets home those flops are hitting the nearest trash can.

Here's a shot of her and my nephew on Monday.  He's a hoot!

That T shirt she has on LANNY is from my favorite sub sandwich place up on the beach.

I have been trying for YEARS to get one.  So I call the owner over and say "this is my 100th or 300th pizza and sandwich, don't I get a t-shirt with this?"  He says as usual NO.  Since my roomie is in advertising, she says to the owner "I'm doing an article and I'd like to plug your restaurant" so he turns on his heels and grabs.............2 t-shirts, one for her and one for Miss T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T has hers hidden from me - says she doesn't want me to take it over.  Roomie is still holding on to hers.

Speaking of the pizza....I had a leftover slice of the house special for breakfast.  I figure it's like having an omlet...without the eggs.

Sausage, peppers, onions, beef, roni, canadian bacon, cheese, sauce on "toast"...........that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Gotta take a Prilosec now..................

Monday, August 27, 2007

First day o' 5th grade & such

Guess what I did last night?

Highlighted Miss T's hair!

It actually brightened up her looks!  So today my baby is an official 5th grader!  Wooo hoooo!

I took the day muscles were aching, I'm guessing from all the stress of the weekend.

Mr Man was actually decent Sunday, quiet. 

Then this afternoon............after I took Miss T to dance, he went to the restaurant to get his $$$ from J......when I came home, he admitted to ......get this.....

2 glasses of red wine!

And he doesn't see anything wrong with that!  BUT - he has Hep C and ANY alky is not good for that at all!

So tonight he's a bit miffed that I've said to him "you are afraid to give up the drink".  He said "yes".

He has a friend coming into town on Wed and he said "we're not gonna drive, we'll need a cab" so I said "why can't YOU drive and just NOT drink?".

Megga upset then!  To the bedroom and shut the door.

Wants to dispute the affects of red wine drinking.

Right now I'm consigned that he is on a death mission and there is nothing I can do to stop it....his own words were.......

(if I can't drink)  "....might as well put a gun to my head then".

Lovely mentality.

Of course I said FINE....whatever!

Don't come crying to me.

So, is this the link that says to me, run forrest run???

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Tom, ER & 12 hours

Yep, you read that right


Let me summarize.

Tom worked till 3pm; had one glass on wine with a friend.

Then came home, grabbed fishing gear and went off with another friend till about water, no food, one beer.

THEN proceeded to the

I found him, took his keys and left him there.  He began to walk home.  Got tired; called his friend "J".

J shows up with him and says "he wants to go to the hospital, he's having chest pains."

He's very beligerant to me....saying "what do you care" etc.

Roomie, being the PA that she is, checked his pulse and listened to heart....we gave him one nitro tablet at 10:55pm and one more at 11:05pm......

J takes us to get truck and Tom and I head out to the hospital.

Once we were on the way  I called his doc's cell number and said that we were on the way.  I reminded the doc that in April he had talked to Tom about a cardiology referral but that had fallen to the side and we were on the way to the ER....he said good luck.  You could hear his "uh oh" realization in his voice.  JERK!

 On the way to the hospital he is still beligerant to me....I called Roomie, put her on speaker phone and she talked to him asking him to calm down and take another nitro.

At hospital he refused to be nice to me or even let me be nice to him.  I checked him into the ER at 11:45pm.

At 12:45 I was leaving, in tears.  He was still grumbling at me saying "he didn't deserve this" and when I grabbed the bag to put his belongings in he said "go ahead and put it over my head" so I said Shut up!  I asked if I could get him anything (ice, water etc) and he said "I don't need anything from you".

I left....the nurse asked if I needed help and I said "just make a notation in his chart that he's an asshole".

I cried all the way home.  I didn't even tell him I was leaving.

I called his brother and explained what was happening.  Once home Roomie and I had a long talk.   At 3am I tried to sleep but failed and was still awake at 4:30am.....woke up about 9:30.

Called hospital.....Tom was having a nuclear stress test and would be out about noon.  I got to the hospital at 12:30pm; he was released at 1pm.  Stress test was normal; blood enzymes were slightly elevated; told to follow up with his doc in 2 weeks.

I have called a different doctor and left a message that he needs an appointment.

Tom still would not talk to me once he was discharged.

Roomie had a talk with Tom.....told him the brutal truth of his mixing alcohol with the meds and that his Hep C liver damage was further damaging his heart; thus he was on a mission of impending death, which was certainly his choice, but to stop fighting against ME and scaring Tara.

The docs told him he had to quit smoking and get on a decent diet.  It is 5pm and he is still not ready to talk with me....says he is calm and wants to remain relaxed.

I may take Miss T to Mom's and roomie and I head over to the beach house for the night giving Tom the alone time he needs.

Right now I am so tired.  I need a nap!

Friday, August 24, 2007


Lemme s'plain.....

As you may know, I work for a builder.  We have a project that is nearing completion....about 300 townhomes.  Boss wants to complain that things are not moving fast enough.


Boss....won't make decisions timely. 

Then fusses at super who in turn rants about "can only do what I'm given to work with".  If no one makes decisions, then work cannot commence.  If decisions are made, they need to be relayed to the Super.

Many times super calls me and asks "where are we getting...." and "who is"?  Crazy....down right nuts.

Speaking of nuts, coworker then gets involved indirectly, talking about things she knows nothing about and creating thus another problem.

Stay out if it!

Bossman thinks because super is ranting he's wanting a pay raise.  Not the case (but would be nice).  He only wants boss to realize what all has been added to his plate since he does not and never has had a punch guy.  He's doing the work of 3 men.

When we did have a punch guy (one who goes in walk through's and the customer points out items that need fixing or adjusting then fixes them) the guy was NOT doing his job.  Many MANY times we told bossman and it was ignored.

So in the last 10 months, super has been expecting that some 50 punch lists were taken care of.................



I hate to beat a dead horse..........


Anywho,  Tom spent Wednesday at the j.o.b....came home and isolated himself to his den watching TV and ignoring us all.  Was funny watching him "ignore" us to our face....he'd walk through with a deliberate walk, a semi-frown on his face with his chin raised....was the dumbest look for a grown man.

He was able to see someone in our local VAclinic finally on Tuesday.  They mentioned to him about a "heart attack".....I wonder just how much longer this will go on.  We STILL don't have the referral from his GP Doc for a cardiologist and I have not made an appt either.

Bad me?

No....not my problem.

I know that sounds terrible, like I don't care.  That's not it.

I'm tired of holding hands.

My concern about Mr Man and the V.A. is that they are giving him meds (yay) but the meds they are giving him are Percocet. addict with percocet for his pain management.  Just lovely.

  Miss T is off with the Grammy today and a friend to Myrtle Beach just to play miniature golf and maybe go to the aquarium.  They left around 10am.....should be home by dinner time, I hope.

I also hope that Miss T does NOT want to invite this friend for the night.  2 reasons:  1)  I don't wanna and 2) she has solo practice Saturday.

I don't need any further drama.

Roomie's BF's "plane" didn't land last night or the night before.  It is "scheduled" for today only he's stopping off somewhere else first, then driving on in.

I'm NOT holding my breath.  If this really comes together today or Saturday I will be in total shock.

In the meantime I just wanna relax, sip a cool drink and clear my mind. 

What I'll really be doing is stressing over the list of things I need to do.

Laundry.........the never ending pile!

Getting school gear together for MONDAY.

Checking on the Bridezilla Cindilouwho.

Compiling my business venture info....anyone out there have Grant experience?

I have let a lot of things "go" with roomie being a guest.  Not that she hinders me, but I just am not motivated AND I don't want to be told what/how to do.  Oh well..................


Thursday, August 23, 2007

Just call me.......



........let's just say it's been a grumpy day.

Leftovers from yesterday.....boss is out of touch.....

Tom is showing his ASSets......


Tellin everybody how I feel and YES I look as ill as if feel!!!!

I should have taken a picture of my evil face.  ROFL

I don't do well with incompetence.

Roomie is s'posed to meet BF tonight at the airport, unless he comes up with another excuse.  "Tomorrow" is his favorite term.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Lock me up!

I am the bad guy.....
Yeah it's true.....I'm the one who gets upset when I come home and find Tom inebriated, music so loud the words can be heard in the driveway.
I "ruin" his evenings by "fussing" because he won't tell me the truth about his consumption.
I am the nag.  I won't let him enjoy himself in his own home.  He should be able to play his CD's as loud as he wants too, drink as much as he can, borrow money from my Grandmother (for cigs & alcohol), and rant and rave because I don't let him have access to his own money.
It is my fault that he overdraws the checking account.  Another error is that I become irrational in my quest for peace in my home.  I ask for unreasonable measures; how dare I ask for the volume to be lowered on the TV so that my daughter can get a good night's sleep.
Also among my many faults is a mortgage, vehicle payments, phone bills, electric bills (not once did he mention the Direct TV!) and insurance not to mention food and water and gas.  Plus I am jealous because he gets to stay at home and rake in retirement money while I have to go to a job.
And I've bailed him out of a destructive lifestyle and he wouldn't be alive today if not for me.  Plus I make him take us to visit his family at Christmas and also other mini vacations during the year when able.
Oh yeah, don't forget that I drive the truck on the weekends and now he's low on gas...shame on me.  But I must be forgiven for that one since I just ran down to the station and filled it up for him. 
Hmmm, what have I left out?
Oh yeah, I am ungrateful for the many things that he does....rarely do I say "good job" or "thanks" or "don't worry, go ahead and yell and scare Miss T".  It is also bad for me to expect that he do the things he says he will do and be in the places he says. 
Another fault I have is picking up his medicine and making sure he remembers his Dr appointments or birthdays of family members.  Most of the time I don't even know what I'm talking about much less "have a clue".
What kind of self respecting wife does such awful stuff???
I must be nuts!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
 you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell  @ PRISON
 you spend the majority of your time  in an 6X6 cubicle /office  @ WORK


 you get three meals a day fully paid for  @ PRISON
 you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it @ WORK 

 you get time off for good behavior @ PRISON
 you get more work for  good behavior @ WORK

 the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you  @ PRISON
 @ WORK you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

 you can watch TV and play games @ PRISON
 you could get fired for watching  TV and playing games @ WORK
@ PRISON you get your own toilet
@ WORK you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

 they allow your family and friends to visit @ PRISON
you aren't even supposed to speak to your family @ WORK
@ PRISON all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
@ PRISON you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out

@ WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars


you must deal with sadistic wardens @ PRISON
@ WORK they are called your managers



Robin William's Plan

The Plan!

Robin Williams,  wearing a shirt that says "I love New  York " in Arabic.
You  gotta love Robin Williams......Even if he's nuts! Leave it  to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we  need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat  this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue  with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for  peace but I have not heard of a plan for  peace. So, here's one plan."
1) "The US will apologize  to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past  & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good  'ole' boys", we  will never "interfere" again.
2) We  will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting  with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines .  They don't want us there. We would station troops at our  borders.  No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.  We'll give them a free trip home.  After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported  immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.

 They're  illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be  thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a  special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change yourself  and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones  are the bombers. If  they don't attend classes, they get a  "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a  strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.  This  will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but  will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while .

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If  they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of  the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe  in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given  to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated  island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here . Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10)  All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way,  no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language  we speak is ENGLISH..learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a  winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no  longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled  masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
If you agree with the above  forward it to friends...If not, and I would be amazed,  DELETE it!!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Lazy Sunday


Megga lazy day.....

Tom and I were in the pool last night for about 1 hr...waiting on the "gravy" so that we could put together the baked ziti.

Pool temp is at 80 ....last year I remember it being 90 and like a sauna!  It was very refreshing.  Roomie had got bit by some fire ants so she had a snack of Benedryl and conked out.

The phone ringing at 9:30am was what got me Nanny wanting to know if Miss T was going to church with her. 

After she left for church, roomie and I donned our suits and hit the pool for a while.  It was soooooooo relaxing.  Tom wouldn't join us, said it was too cold (?????).

He is in a decent mood.  Yesterday's talk obviously worked.  I shall not complain.

My roses that we planted this spring have shot up and finally the Tropicanna has blossomed.  A couple of days ago it was the runt, but over the last 2 days it has "rose" to the occassion.

Check these out!

The heat here has evaporated some of the pool water, so we ran the hose in to add about 2" to is s'posed to rain this coming week, so I may have an overflowing pool before it's done.

Tomorrow begins TOM'S job helping his friend "J" at the restaurant....M/W/F  - 10-3....let's see how that works out.  It's gonna be interesting to see how his schedule works out with the dance schedule.

Tomorrow also begins the new dance season and the countdown to the first day of school.  One last week of freedom.

Monday the 27th = SCHOOL.  Funny, Miss T says she is ready for it to begin.  I'm not looking forward to early mornings but it is an evil necessity.  5th Grade!  Wow!!  She is growing up so very fast....VERY FAST!  It was just a little while ago she was a cute 3 year old with a silly smile.  Now she is so grown up and with a mind of her own.......scarey.

Time flies................

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Emotions run amuck! my house the little things set Tom off.  But on Friday he received a call from his youngest sister.  She had visited with Tom's daughter while in NY a couple of weeks ago.  Obviously she's been in further contact because the nature of her call was........ inform him that only SHE (the sister) and Tom's neice (other sis's child) were being invited to the wedding in October.

We had already been informed by the daughter that the stepDad was "walking her down the aisle" back in late June.  Tom took that pretty hard......but much harder on Friday after talking to his sister.

I think the sis should let it go.....Daughter is 31.  She had not seen her Dad in 10 years until last December (you may remember I wrote about him going up there for a long weekend).  Daughter has had a life of her own without her Dad for MANY years.  They even quit speaking at one point.

Since he and the ex-wife were divorced, the whole family "divorced" also.  His kids didn't keep in touch with their Father's side at all.  Ditto for his brothers and sisters as well as his own Father.  No one to my knowledge ever bothered to call the girls or send them cards etc after the divorce and especially after Tom's mother passed away in 1997.  His kids didn't even attend their Grandma's funeral.

Last night Tom was having a hard time.....he was hurt...he was pissed off and he was lashing out.  He'd had a couple of drinks and wanted to "go out" with me somewhere noisy and where there was a lot of people.

I took him to Walmart!!!!!!!!

Not exactly what he expected.  But I could not take him to a way!  Could not reward his behavior with such as that.

He promised me that on Saturday (today) he was going to be in a worse mood.....he tried.

I cornered him.  I talked to him from my own point of view.  His kids and I have a lot in common when it comes to our Fathers.  In a lot of ways we are parallel.  My parental side of the family didn't treat me fair own grandma would drive past my house to visit my cousin next door without stopping to see me.

I explained to him how much my stepDad meant to me and why I would chose him over my own Dad anyday....then my tears came.  He could seem my pain.  (I asked my beloved Grandpa to give me away because he was the most stable man in my life - how else could I chose between my Dad and stepDad?)  He began to understand how his daughter could make this decision to let her stepDad take his place in her wedding and in her life.  This man has always been there to support her all these years just like my stepDad.

Tom began to "see" what I was trying to get him to understand.  I know it hurt him, but the only thing he can do now is accept her decision.  He wants to write her a note to tell her how he feels.  I said I thought it was a good idea BUT he'd better be willing to accept her reply no matter what it is.  Also, IF he goes to the wedding, he must go with dignity and respect; after all it is HER day and she wants it to be a happy, joyous occassion.  She doesn't want to be on pins and needles worrying about her "guests".  Then maybe after that, father and daughter can begin to heal their broken relationship.

As for Tom's sister..........I hope she stays out of this.  I have just spent 24 hours calming him down.  I've a good mind to call her myself, but he's asked me to leave it alone until her next call.  Then he'll tell her to knock it off himself......or lil ole Southern me may just have to...........

Wouldn't be pretty.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Prayers Needed for Abron & family - abronkelly 

Some of you will remember I've written about one of my co-workers daughter.  She received a 2nd kidney transplant last year and so far so good.  (First one from her Mom she rejected; 2nd one was from a 16 yr old girl who died in a car accident.)

Until now....they did a biopsy last week...seems she is trying to reject the kidney.  She is in Duke being monitored and medicated. 

Abron is such a brave and strong little girl.  It is heartbreaking to know she is going through this again.  Her Dad (one of our superintendant) is very disraught.  Mom remains positive, yet cautious - she's a nurse.

I cannot imagine the mixed emotions that the family must have right now.  Fear, pain, anger, along with hope and love .... at least the docs are treating her with all they know how.

We all will pray for God's will.......I will ask for God to heal her and not take her from us.  But I also know that whatever His decision, it is the best for Abron. 

Yes, I question why such a beautiful, talented child has to suffer....but I can't answer that.  Yes, I want a miracle drug to heal her so that she can be a "normal" kid and go to school and laugh and play. 

I  have just spoke with the Dad....he sounds so depressed and empty.  I said "don't you love me anymore?" and he replied "No I don't"....and smirked a tiny bit and said "what do you think of that?"............sad........empty.

When we hung up, I went to her site on Caringbridge and read about the medications she is getting and how she is having to remain in Duke.  I left her a note to KICK BUTT and that she would be receiving many prayers. 

I know J-land will sound many for her and for that I am grateful as well as is her family.  Tom's baby brother is a 2 time kidney recipient also....he knows the fear and challenges....and he will pray also!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Bubble Bursting............




In talking with a few vendors there are radius restrictions, as I knew there could be.  Some as little as 10 miles (which is OK) .... others have stated 15 miles and one (my favorite) 50 MILES....can you believe that!!!

I talked at length with that guy...told him the current supplier doesn't always have what we need/want and I refuse to drive into Jacksonville (he agreed) OR Myrtle Beach to shop.

How terrible!

I was even thinking of going around the whole "dance" idea and incorporating pageant, gymnastics, ice skating and cheerleading.  Clothes wise I could get by with some vendors with the 10 mile radius.

Still waiting to hear from a few others.

I could do without having a shoe inventory.  Just apparel, makeup, hair accessories and jewels and miscellaneous T-shirts and gifts....but geeeesh.


Gonna have to wait out on some other vendor information.  Looking gloomy over here.


Mr Man has so far been decent.  Wed he worked with J and had a couple glasses (20oz??? who knows)  of wine.  He did call me at 6:15pm and said "I'll be here for a bit, I'll call you in 45 mins or an hour".  Kudos on that one.

Us girls jumped into the steam bath known as the pool....actually it felt decent, helped ease the achy muscles.

At 8:15pm I called him and said "your one hour is way up!".  He wasn't long coming home (kudos again for answering a phone), but I did smell the alky on his breath from across the pool!

He jumped in with me after the girls got out (Miss T, Roomie and T's friend).  I reminded him that our agreement was if he helped his friend "J" out that it was NOT to become a drink fest --- no drinking after work.  Been there done that one wasn't pretty!!!

Today he's helping my stepDad with a plumbing project. 

Day by day.........that's all I can do now.


Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Hump Day Heat


Holy Hot Tamale!  Brutal, just brutal!  It's the slap you in the face heat and humidity kind of HOT   The radio guy is calling it 98 degrees outside, but you see what these read.  Needless to say I'm not going outside again until it's time to go home.


Ahhh, now there's a cool blue color.....feeling better now after seeing those red numbers above.

So it's been 24+ hours since "the meeting".  Hubby has lightened up some.  I'm still standoffish - not letting the guard down, but peeking over the top of it to maintain my grip.

We three (Hubby Roomie and Self) went over to my favorite beach restaurant.  Guess what I had Lanny??  YEP!  But this time I oinked on a LARGE steak n cheese sub.  Hubby & roomie each ordered a large pizza, the One for Me and One for You theory.  Geeesh, couldn't they have just 1/2'd one and shared it?  LOL....Tom actually didn't even think of it  ---  even after I had mentioned it.


Miss T didn't want to go since she was still at Mom's...a 2 night sleepover coming to an end....we dropped by on the way home to retrieve the child.  She was ready to be home.

Once home I just dropped on the couch...stuffed and hot!  Long day.

Earlier on Tuesday I had called the insurance company that has Miss T's annuity to change the date of the EFT.  Come to find out there had been a problem with the setting up of the account in 2004!!  Hello!  Um, write me guys!!  It was currently held as Tara, Owner and Annuatant which allowed her to take the money and run at 18!


We straightened that out.  I thought it had been initially set up ME owner, T annuatant, ME then T beneficiaries and Miss T's guardian as 2nd (if necessary). 

Do I have to do everything?

Mr Man agreed to meet my stepDad this morning to discuss the plumbing of the building he's errecting in the back of the field.  Then Tom got a call from his friend J "can you come fill in at the restaurant?".....he had initially said NO but I reminded him of his quest.

He had gone to J and said anytime you need me call....well...he called and you say NO?  NO!  Leave Miss T home w/roomie or take her to Nanny's, call him and say "I'm gonna shower and be right there"......DUH!

So here's the test........this is the same friend with the same restaurant as the Friday night "not home for Miss T" night!  We'll see how this goes.  Will he drink while there after his "shift"?  Will he call?  Will he hold true to his promises of Monday?

I do want to say a great big


THANK YOU for all of your love, support, suggestions, wisdom, FAITH and understanding during my "FUNK" mode.  It's nice to know there are friends out there willing to lend an ear and shoulder.  It's also nice to see I wasn't totally off the mark.  I've always said that I'm not too difficult and that I don't ask for too much.  Thanks for verifying that to me!  You guys are the bomb!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Our meeting and maybe a start....

Last night I decided to meet Tom on neutral grounds.  I called and asked if he’d meet me at a favorite restaurant and he agreed.  I was there first so I picked a table that would keep us out of earshot from other patrons.


I remain cold and straight forward.  After placing our order the subject he brings up as the most painful is the comment I made to him that “I only stick around for Miss T”.  In a note I explained to him that it wasn’t stated properly…..what I meant behind that was “how do I tear the two of them apart when each love each other - just because I don’t feel the love?  So my decisions are made for HER as well as for ME until I can figure out for myself what to do”.


He says “yeah but it still hurt more than you can imagine” …… I understand that.  I knew it when I had said it but there was no taking it back – it was said, and I was very angry.


I brought up the incidences of him being MIA ….and how he had let me down , disappointed and embarrassed me in front of my family and friends.  Plus the “jerk” comment of this weekend with his act of “humor” – I said there was nothing funny about it.  He says “I cannot change it” and of course I said “Yes you can – you can PROVE by your actions that you ARE and CAN BE astand up guy”.


He doesn’t want to lose me…… he says, and I let him know that he’s well on the way.  Because I can’t trust him, because he so easily lies to me and thinks it’s OK.  He wanted to fuss about the bank account ……..I simply said “when I see money flying out of the account what am I supposed to do to salvage any money for any upcoming needs?  You WON’T answer your phone when this happens and no one knows where you are.”  He didn’t have an answer.


He wants his own account with an allowance put in it.  I said “what happens when you spend all of THAT money and still need cigarettes or gas?”


The main issue was that I could not trust him.  We need to be able to depend on him at all times.  No hiding his whereabouts…doing what he says.  He can trust ME and we need it returned.  It is the reason I have said I’m not interested in the cruise…..I don’t want a repeat of his sister’s wedding a couple of years ago….drunk, embarrassing out right stupidity.  The whole family watched it and were appalled. 


We’ve been going through this mess for 10 years and I reminded him of that when he said “give me a chance to prove…”…..10 years of chances.  When does it happen?  I told him that I am not going to depend on him anymore, that I am making my own life and happiness because I have to.


We talked about his handicap… people without limbs seem to be able to “enjoy” life so why can’t he?  He needs to stop sleeping so much and get out and do something!  I had mentioned for him to stop watching the History Channel and old war movies for a while to see if his mood changed – he said he had thought about that and had been “old” free for about 3 days.  I said GOOD keep it up.


I mentioned my stress, how I can’t get 5 minutes alone for myself….and how I don’t want to come home anymore.  If I want to do my business venture, I need to be assured that he won’t mess it up….outside after dinner I asked if he would sign away his rights to claim anything of it….a Post Nuptial type agreement.  He said “that hurts me, but yes I will do it if that’s what you want.”

So I had to explain to him……this way creditors can’t go after him; my parents would be more willing to cooperate and participate if they were assured he wouldn’t “blow” it.  I have to show my smarts sometimes ya know lol.


He wanted to hold my hand……….just because, he said “you need me to hold your hand” – HUH?


We left for home, separate of course – 2 different vehicles…on the way I called his cell and said “Carvel?” and he said “sure”…so we met for an ice cream cone.


Once home I was still a bit aloof…..I cannot let my guard down just yet.  I reminded him that the wall was up and it was great and mighty.  He wants to break it down and make things right.


This morning he called me to say that my Mom and Miss T had dropped by before heading to Toys R Us and ……..


……….get this………..




She was shocked and impressed.




Maybe, just maybe………………………….


Monday, August 6, 2007

...still FUNKY


....and it's a nonchallant attidude in my home.  Tom avoids conversation as do I.  Roomie just shakes her head.

She did make a good point to my step Dad yesterday.  You can't blame Mr Man's problems on a's what you make from the situation that determines who you are and how you act/react.  He can continue to be poor Tom with the bad leg or he can recalculate his own self worth.

Mary (Just Mary-frankandmary) and Lanny (Lanny's World ) said it best.....

Making a person take responsibility for their own life, as well as the way they affect the lives around them, is not attacking.  Holding a man up to what he has promised to do for the good of the whole family & expecting him to respect those he lives with is just good common sense.


Well's nice to be supportive but if you want a relationship to work, mothering your guy or enabling them when they do wrong is just not going to cut it. You have to make them accountable for their actions and let them clean up after themselves when they make a mess. When they screw up, don't just look the other way. Look them in the eye and tell them they screwed up and they had better make it right. Because if you don't, it will never get right and in essence, you have given them a free pass to screw up again and again. SO....stand up and quit being the mother and be the "equal" partner in your relationship. You have rights and the most important one is the right to happiness. Remember, if you wait for someone to make you happy, you'll have a long wait. Do something for yourself in that department.


This is what I've been looking for from Tom.  

Yesterday I said to him "Mom wanted to have a family cook out but.......nahhhhh" and let it just hang there....he thought it was humorous to respond to me:  "that's because I'm the Jerk".  He's taking it too light that my Mom called him a jerk after that Friday night he promised to be home to receive Tara and wasn' can only hope he would see the error of his ways. 

What ever happened to being a "stand up guy"????

I left him a typed (OK computer generated) note about my feelings.  How he's killing the love and how this feels like the movie "Groundhog Day".  He says we'll talk tonight.

I know he's upset with his overall health, but I can't change that for him.  He's overweight thus causing more stress on his bad knee not to mention his heart and everything else.  That doesn't give him the right to forego his responsibility to this family.

This is a quote from a Dance instructor's blog:



We'll see what the night brings..........and how long it takes for him to pull another one!  Optimistic aren't I?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Play that FUNKY music.....



.........cause I'm still in a funk.



Tommydrama of course.  Wednesday was payday for him (pension) and since I've cut up his ATM card he says "I'm gonna write a check for $100 - get gas and have some cash in my pocket" with the understanding that he can't hundred dollar the account to death.  He'd already gotten $50 out the day before for a grocery store run.

He then visited his friend at the restaurant; called me at 6pm (I was eating dinner with the roomie in town and Miss T was at acro) and said "I'm home....and I 'm not going anywhere".  I said OK, whatever.  I really couldn't hear him well on the cell because the words were breaking up.

After acro (7pm) and getting Miss T some dinner, we headed home.  Roomie was already home by the time we got there.....guess what. 

You ready?????????????


No, I didn't call him; no I didn't barricade the door.  I was quite calm.  Maybe too calm.  Reserved.........probably at the fact that "oh well" I'm just gonna have to remove myself emotionally from his troubles.

I know that sounds terrible coming from a wife.  I mean, aren't couples s'pzd to work together for each other's good?  Yes, but......I cannot continue to stress over his ignorance, his total lack of commitment to us. 

Yes, he's come a long way from when I first met him.  But he's slipping now.  Almost like he did the year before his knee surgery....sneaky, evasive, home late etc.  Are we going to go through another battle of drugs?  He says that's not what is going on.

But how do you explain this:  last week he'd been out to "the bars" yet, he did not have the usual appearance of "drunk"....made me think he counteracted the drink with the drug to "sober up" quicker.  He denies this of course...............and he thinks I buy that? 

HA!  Denial....and not the river in Egypt!

Now I'm going to have to detach.  That's not a good place to be.  Tom is killing our relationship and my love for him.  I find myself acting the same way I did with the "dead X".....his dealings drove me to purely hate his existence.

Roomie told me yesterday that when she is in her room and TnT are in the "big room" (Man watching TV; Kid playing behind him) that "yes" Tom does "scare" Miss T........I'd like to know exactly how.  Maybe it's in his comments about the war movies ya know "kill them Nazi's"  etc.

He doesn't believe he scares her.  Says "yeah, I'm Italian, my voice is loud" but I don't think it's all in his volume anymore...I think she's used to that now.

Maybe it's time for me to buy a digital voice recorder and plant it in the house.

He tried to say to me "what would you do without me" of the last 3 years since he's been retired.  He takes T to school, picks her up and gets her to dance.  I reminded him that I did the very same thing BEFORE he retired and I could do it again.  Especially in the summer - I could have a place for her to stay other than be at home with him.

I'm very tired........the stress of all of this PLUS work PLUS my business venture ideas PLUS cindilouwho's wedding in general...I cannot seem to get a decent rest anymore.  All day long my eyes are heavy as if I'd been crying all day (not) and I'm yawning! 

Time for some ME time!!