Monday, August 6, 2007

...still FUNKY

 

....and it's a nonchallant attidude in my home.  Tom avoids conversation as do I.  Roomie just shakes her head.

She did make a good point to my step Dad yesterday.  You can't blame Mr Man's problems on a handicap.....it's what you make from the situation that determines who you are and how you act/react.  He can continue to be poor Tom with the bad leg or he can recalculate his own self worth.

Mary (Just Mary-frankandmary) and Lanny (Lanny's World ) said it best.....

Making a person take responsibility for their own life, as well as the way they affect the lives around them, is not attacking.  Holding a man up to what he has promised to do for the good of the whole family & expecting him to respect those he lives with is just good common sense.

 

Well girls....it's nice to be supportive but if you want a relationship to work, mothering your guy or enabling them when they do wrong is just not going to cut it. You have to make them accountable for their actions and let them clean up after themselves when they make a mess. When they screw up, don't just look the other way. Look them in the eye and tell them they screwed up and they had better make it right. Because if you don't, it will never get right and in essence, you have given them a free pass to screw up again and again. SO....stand up and quit being the mother and be the "equal" partner in your relationship. You have rights and the most important one is the right to happiness. Remember, if you wait for someone to make you happy, you'll have a long wait. Do something for yourself in that department.


 

This is what I've been looking for from Tom.  

Yesterday I said to him "Mom wanted to have a family cook out but.......nahhhhh" and let it just hang there....he thought it was humorous to respond to me:  "that's because I'm the Jerk".  He's taking it too light that my Mom called him a jerk after that Friday night he promised to be home to receive Tara and wasn't....one can only hope he would see the error of his ways. 

What ever happened to being a "stand up guy"????

I left him a typed (OK computer generated) note about my feelings.  How he's killing the love and how this feels like the movie "Groundhog Day".  He says we'll talk tonight.

I know he's upset with his overall health, but I can't change that for him.  He's overweight thus causing more stress on his bad knee not to mention his heart and everything else.  That doesn't give him the right to forego his responsibility to this family.

This is a quote from a Dance instructor's blog:

HAS THERE EVER BEEN A POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU FELT LIKE YOU HAVE GIVEN AND GIVEN TO SOMEONE OR SOMETHING AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS NOT APPRECIATED OR THAT YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE WATCHING IT SLIP AWAY WHILE YOU STOOD THERE HELPLESS...I THINK WE ALL HAVE...IT CAN BE A VERY SMALL THING SUCH AS SOMEONE NOT RETURNING A PHONE CALL OR A VERY BIG THING THAT RIPS A HOLE IN YOUR SOUL...AND YOU KEEP HITTING THE "REPLAY " BUTTON OVER AND OVER AGAIN....REWIND AND REPLAY...AND YOU KNOW EACH TIME YOU DO THAT THE SITUATION GROWS AND EATS AT YOU...GOD DOES NOT WANT US TO LIVE IN THE "REWIND" MODE,,HE WANTS US TO MOVE FORWARD..THINK ON THIS...WE ALL HAVE THE ABILITLY TO LOOK BACK, PRESS REWIND, REPLAY BUT WE DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO PRESS FAST FORWARD...Dena Rizzo, dance instructor

Fits!

We'll see what the night brings..........and how long it takes for him to pull another one!  Optimistic aren't I?

16 comments:

chat2missie said...

Tom will never get better unless he takes responsibility for what he's done to you and the family.  I hope you two can talk tonight.
Missie

deshelestraci said...

As Mary and Lanny said, you have to be responsible for you.  And that includes putting up with misbehavior.  You deserve a life better than the one you are living.  You deserve a man who will do as he tells you.  When my hubby backslid and went drinking with his alcoholic uncle I told him that he had no more chances.  He did it again and I was done.  I think he knew I was serious, hasn't happened again.  Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.  Don't hold back in your conversation with him tonight!
Traci

queenb8261 said...

Sorry I haven't been by in a while. You know life gets in tghe way of journaling sometimes. Hope you have a good talk. Good luck. I'm sending you good vibes.
hugs, Barb  

jckfrstross said...

i wish you the best tonight:) hang tough ok?

Deb

imgr8phil said...

I wish you the best in all of this.  Sounds like there's been a lot of good advice and that you are taking the correct course of action.  Hope all goes well.  Take care.

Phil

ktkamanski said...

It's gonna take your next move to make the difference! Why wait for him to decide your happiness! Hope tomorrow brings withit a smile! Take care of YOU and the rest will follow!
Katie

queeniemart said...

you are in my thoughts and prayers my friend. GOOd luck. Love,lisa

randlprysock said...

<<< Sharon!>>>>  Prayers!!!!!!
I agree with all the above.  Good job!  Hold him accountable.  I am trying to do the same with my sister in some ways.  Hugs,
Lisa

robinngabster said...

One thing I remember my Mom telling me over and over was that I couldn't rely on others to make me happy...I had to find my own happiness.  Hang in there...

mpnaz58 said...

I hope it goes well, for you.  I know you will do what is best for you and Miss T.  He needs you so much more than you need him.  Sad, really, you are a gem, and he's letting you slip away.  
xoxo ~Myra

mpnaz58 said...

I hope it goes well, for you.  I know you will do what is best for you and Miss T.  He needs you so much more than you need him.  Sad, really, you are a gem, and he's letting you slip away.  
xoxo ~Myra

mpnaz58 said...

I hope it goes well, for you.  I know you will do what is best for you and Miss T.  He needs you so much more than you need him.  Sad, really, you are a gem, and he's letting you slip away.  
xoxo ~Myra

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))I will be praying for you that things will work out for you and your family.

eml625 said...

((((((((( HUGS ))))))))
If you need to talk PLEASE contact me.
thinking of you,
Ellen

garnett109 said...

Disability causes depression,depression causes addiction.......
treat the depression then the addiction

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Talk about being stupid...you are already there..ha...tells you how much time I have been spending in my journal...school starts soon...so will be in it more...all day for Carlie this year..have a good week.  Hugs,TerryAnn