....and it's a nonchallant attidude in my home. Tom avoids conversation as do I. Roomie just shakes her head.
She did make a good point to my step Dad yesterday. You can't blame Mr Man's problems on a handicap.....it's what you make from the situation that determines who you are and how you act/react. He can continue to be poor Tom with the bad leg or he can recalculate his own self worth.
Making a person take responsibility for their own life, as well as the way they affect the lives around them, is not attacking. Holding a man up to what he has promised to do for the good of the whole family & expecting him to respect those he lives with is just good common sense.
Well girls....it's nice to be supportive but if you want a relationship to work, mothering your guy or enabling them when they do wrong is just not going to cut it. You have to make them accountable for their actions and let them clean up after themselves when they make a mess. When they screw up, don't just look the other way. Look them in the eye and tell them they screwed up and they had better make it right. Because if you don't, it will never get right and in essence, you have given them a free pass to screw up again and again. SO....stand up and quit being the mother and be the "equal" partner in your relationship. You have rights and the most important one is the right to happiness. Remember, if you wait for someone to make you happy, you'll have a long wait. Do something for yourself in that department.
This is what I've been looking for from Tom.
Yesterday I said to him "Mom wanted to have a family cook out but.......nahhhhh" and let it just hang there....he thought it was humorous to respond to me: "that's because I'm the Jerk". He's taking it too light that my Mom called him a jerk after that Friday night he promised to be home to receive Tara and wasn't....one can only hope he would see the error of his ways.
What ever happened to being a "stand up guy"????
I left him a typed (OK computer generated) note about my feelings. How he's killing the love and how this feels like the movie "Groundhog Day". He says we'll talk tonight.
I know he's upset with his overall health, but I can't change that for him. He's overweight thus causing more stress on his bad knee not to mention his heart and everything else. That doesn't give him the right to forego his responsibility to this family.
This is a quote from a Dance instructor's blog:
HAS THERE EVER BEEN A POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU FELT LIKE YOU HAVE GIVEN AND GIVEN TO SOMEONE OR SOMETHING AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS NOT APPRECIATED OR THAT YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE WATCHING IT SLIP AWAY WHILE YOU STOOD THERE HELPLESS...I THINK WE ALL HAVE...IT CAN BE A VERY SMALL THING SUCH AS SOMEONE NOT RETURNING A PHONE CALL OR A VERY BIG THING THAT RIPS A HOLE IN YOUR SOUL...AND YOU KEEP HITTING THE "REPLAY " BUTTON OVER AND OVER AGAIN....REWIND AND REPLAY...AND YOU KNOW EACH TIME YOU DO THAT THE SITUATION GROWS AND EATS AT YOU...GOD DOES NOT WANT US TO LIVE IN THE "REWIND" MODE,,HE WANTS US TO MOVE FORWARD..THINK ON THIS...WE ALL HAVE THE ABILITLY TO LOOK BACK, PRESS REWIND, REPLAY BUT WE DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO PRESS FAST FORWARD...Dena Rizzo, dance instructor
We'll see what the night brings..........and how long it takes for him to pull another one! Optimistic aren't I?