Thursday, August 2, 2007

Play that FUNKY music.....

 

 

.........cause I'm still in a funk.

 

 

Tommydrama of course.  Wednesday was payday for him (pension) and since I've cut up his ATM card he says "I'm gonna write a check for $100 - get gas and have some cash in my pocket" with the understanding that he can't hundred dollar the account to death.  He'd already gotten $50 out the day before for a grocery store run.

He then visited his friend at the restaurant; called me at 6pm (I was eating dinner with the roomie in town and Miss T was at acro) and said "I'm home....and I 'm not going anywhere".  I said OK, whatever.  I really couldn't hear him well on the cell because the words were breaking up.

After acro (7pm) and getting Miss T some dinner, we headed home.  Roomie was already home by the time we got there.....guess what. 

You ready?????????????

TOM WASN'T HOME!!!!!!

No, I didn't call him; no I didn't barricade the door.  I was quite calm.  Maybe too calm.  Reserved.........probably at the fact that "oh well" I'm just gonna have to remove myself emotionally from his troubles.

I know that sounds terrible coming from a wife.  I mean, aren't couples s'pzd to work together for each other's good?  Yes, but......I cannot continue to stress over his ignorance, his total lack of commitment to us. 

Yes, he's come a long way from when I first met him.  But he's slipping now.  Almost like he did the year before his knee surgery....sneaky, evasive, home late etc.  Are we going to go through another battle of drugs?  He says that's not what is going on.

But how do you explain this:  last week he'd been out to "the bars" yet, he did not have the usual appearance of "drunk"....made me think he counteracted the drink with the drug to "sober up" quicker.  He denies this of course...............and he thinks I buy that? 

HA!  Denial....and not the river in Egypt!

Now I'm going to have to detach.  That's not a good place to be.  Tom is killing our relationship and my love for him.  I find myself acting the same way I did with the "dead X".....his dealings drove me to purely hate his existence.

Roomie told me yesterday that when she is in her room and TnT are in the "big room" (Man watching TV; Kid playing behind him) that "yes" Tom does "scare" Miss T........I'd like to know exactly how.  Maybe it's in his comments about the war movies ya know "kill them Nazi's"  etc.

He doesn't believe he scares her.  Says "yeah, I'm Italian, my voice is loud" but I don't think it's all in his volume anymore...I think she's used to that now.

Maybe it's time for me to buy a digital voice recorder and plant it in the house.

He tried to say to me "what would you do without me" of the last 3 years since he's been retired.  He takes T to school, picks her up and gets her to dance.  I reminded him that I did the very same thing BEFORE he retired and I could do it again.  Especially in the summer - I could have a place for her to stay other than be at home with him.

I'm very tired........the stress of all of this PLUS work PLUS my business venture ideas PLUS cindilouwho's wedding PLUS.......life in general...I cannot seem to get a decent rest anymore.  All day long my eyes are heavy as if I'd been crying all day (not) and I'm yawning! 

Time for some ME time!!

20 comments:

chat2missie said...

You sure do need some me time!!
Missie

barebytes said...

I think you are finally seeing the light. Why look for proof when you know in your heart that something is not right. Believe in yourself, you may lie to yourself but deep down, you also know the truth. Hugs Lanny

onecrabn3lilfish said...

I'm not trying to compare you to me but before I kicked out my husband I had that CALMNESS.  Of realizing his crap is HIS crap.  I wish you the best of luck!!  Get some you time!!  Heck, get some you time for me too!


Amy

jckfrstross said...

you need to get away from him and his problems :) wishing you good luck

Deb

nightmaremom said...

sorry to hear this... you need some time for you... take as much as need... if it is forever... so be it
good luck
d
http://journals.aol.com/nightmaremom/Thisandthatandhockey/

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))I am sorry your going through a hard time,I do hope and pray things get better.Have a nice night.

ktkamanski said...

Take care of you first and the rest will follow! Hoping for a better tomorrow!
Katie

eml625 said...

((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))))))
E-mail me if you need. I'm always here for you.
Ellen

imgr8phil said...

I'd say that this isn't a good situation to be in.  If you feel that way about him I think you ought to consider what is best for you.  If he has total disregard for your marriage and himself then you need to think about you and not him at all.  Anyway, take care and have a decent Friday.

Phil

ab45yui said...

I am so sorry you're going thru this pain.  My mom called tonight.  My father's alcoholism has now impacted her watching my niece's young son.  My mother is getting resentful and she is trying to pray it thru but she is so tired of his drinking.  He is not always the happy drunk.  I hope he sees the light and gets help.  

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwww Sharon, sorry you are still in a funk, Hugs to you Lisa

acoward15 said...

I feel for you. I wouldn't dream of offering any advice as only you know where you stand. Take care of yourself.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/acoward15/andy-the-bastard

deshelestraci said...

Blessings Sharron.  I know your situation is very hard right now.  
Traci

queeniemart said...

oh babe.....SIGH.  I am sorry....there is little you can other than accept it or leave. You deserve so much better than this. LOVE,lj

nay0114 said...

(((Sharon))) my stomach is sick hearing these troubles.. I just hope you all are able to work things out, but after awhile it does make you wanna leave. Sorry you're going through this.
Take care, Chrissie

mpnaz58 said...

I do think you have some decisions to make.  Easy?  No, nothing ever is, especially when dealing with relationships, but for heavens sake, Sharon, your sanity is at stake.  Don't let yourself get into such a funk that you can't get out of it.  Think of Miss T, and think of yourself.  You guys deserve so much more.
xoxo ~Myra

springangel235 said...

I am keeping good thoughts for you to make the right decision...whatever your heart feels.  Hope you have a nice week ahead.  Hugs and love,
Joyce

cacklinrosie101 said...

Sharon, I think you've answered your own questions very clearly, at least for one whose been there; done that.  There comes a time when the love dies and gets filled with the other emotion.  There also comes a time when Ms. T has to be considered.  No wonder you are in a funk.  You can't be mama to an adult child who is lost.   You also can't save one who refuses to be saved.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.  Big HUGS  Chris

randlprysock said...

Oh Sharon... I am praying for you guys!!!!!  Hope you get some relaxing time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tell Tom I said be good.  I would give the man another chore list... plant the tape recorder and maybe he will be too busy to use the moolah.   Hugs,
Lisa

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Good greif girl...are we two peas in a pod or what...how about Tom and Mark getting a place together and they can hundred dollar each other to death...LOLGot ya in my prayers cause as much as we try to not let it get to us it does...hugs and so glad to have your link back!!!!!  Hugs,TerryAnn..am going to add ya to the side bar so Idon't lose ya again...been too long!