Monday, April 30, 2007

Dr Visit


Mr Man just left my office.....the doc took a lot of blood and did an EKG....he even asked Tom if perhalps he had a heart attack.

Tom said "maybe so, the way my chest was feeling" that Thursday 4/19.  According to the EKG results SOMETHING happened.  So he has a Rx for Prozac (yay!) and Nitro tablets and orders to see a cardiologist....doc will call with who, when & where.


My heart aches to think he is letting little things push him to this point.  It is very scarey to think he'll end up at the cardiologist, stress test and hospitalized for possible artery blockages or worse.  However, will this be a wake up call?



Sunday, April 29, 2007

Winding down

Thank GOD for a peaceful weekend.

Yes, I still have a roommate.

Yes, Tom is still "better".

Friday night we went to my favorite pizza n sub joint at the beach ... yes, Lanny, I had THE sub!!!  TnT shared a pizza and Miss T ate 1/2 of my sandwich.

I must say her appetite has been picking up over the last few months and I'm grateful.  Finally she will be filling out.......and I'm afraid it will be soon too.  She's noticed some, er, um, well   (whispering) hairs.  And she is desparately trying to "see" some (whispering again) boobies.


10 years old......OMG and it's coming soon.  The hormones.  The temper.  All the changes will be upon me soon.  How will I handle this?

Sigh.  My baby..........she will always be my baby no matter how big or old she gets. 

She had a friend over Saturday for a swim in the pool.  The water only got to 73...chilly.  I managed to float on a raft for about 1 hour...silly me didn't apply sunscreen so my thighs are a bit sore.  Water was megga chilly.  Mr Man spent the day messing around the house, fixing loose screws on the siding, skimming the pool, etc. 

T's friend decided to spend the night.....her parents came by twice, once to discover she wanted to stay and once to drop off her clothes.  They were apprehensive and I totally understand that.  They moved here last year and have not gotten to know many of the parents of the kids friends.  Guess we were being "scoped" out.  I would be doing the same thing.  They picked her up about 9:30 Sunday morning.

Sunday....another lazy day.  Repainted my nails, Miss T took several dips in the was chilly last night so the temp was down.  Tom made Baked Ziti and I invited my bestestfriendinthewholeworld over with her man for a dip and dinner.  It was good to see her and laugh.

All in all it's been a good weekend. 

Tom has a doctor's appointment tomorrow for depression meds.  Cross your eyes and fingers.  I can still see some "difference" in him...something that is still not quite settled.  Maybe it's the coming down from the activities of the last weekend. 

I know his legs have hurt him a lot this weekend....he's been quite mobile both days.  "Honey Do" list stuff.  Fixed a bent chair, anchored the pool ladder and the umbrella at the table.  "Pool boy" is his official summer title.......that should keep him busy.  If y'all are in our area, bring yer suits and take a dip!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Sometimes something comes along to make you think or validate your feelings. 

Where Mr Man is concerned I've often said that IF we were not together, he would fall further into his depression and never recover from his demons.  I believe we were brought together for a good reason.  Tom needs ME and I need HIM......God only knows why LOL!!!!!


The nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.

"Your son is here," she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked. The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered. "No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.




Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Are we over the HUMP yet???

I stayed home on Monday to do a big talk with Tom since he decided not to go to his brother's.  The talk helped us both a lot.  Still miles to go yet.  He could not get anyone to answer at the VA to transfer any of his information from NC or FL.  So I reminded him today that he just needs to go to the local office and SIT and WAIT.  He really needs to get an anti depressant. 

If they won't give him something we'll have to talk it over with his doc.

See my fire?  Well, Monday on our way home from picking up Miss T at school, we noticed a BIG puff of smoke.   Firetrucks came from everywhere.......we had a huge acreage fire back in 1986 and I remembered well what could be next.

About 6 miles south of us and through the woods a developer had a controlled burn, well not jumped the barricades in 5 places and grew.

And grew.......

Planes were constantly circling.....I received my very own personal fire patrol.....they were with me for about 4 hours.  I was cooking a homemade Chicken Pot Pie and offered them dinner and water and soda's. 

Miss T intervied the fireman on video....I haven't watched it yet.  The fire consumed about 1500 acres and threatened the homes that are on the road directly behind my house.  I drove back there but could not get through.  One of the residences was at my Nanny's house and I was taking her home, but she couldn't get to her house. 

During the late evening and into the weee hours of the morning I could hear the heavy equipment plowing a fire line, knocking over trees.  About 7pm the Federal's sent in their big scooper plane to pour water --- they scoop into lakes, rivers and probably the ocean since we're only 3 miles from the Intracoastal.  This must have done the trick.  The smoke was very thick at one point.  Then after the big boys came in it became almost normal again.

I am going to assume that the fire was as close to my property as 1800 feet.  Scarey.......I had everyone begin to pack their belongings......clothes, pictures, movies, toys, Miss T's first solo trophy,  her baby shoes, jewelry.......just incase they came back for another evacuation.  Yes, they had told us to leave once and even closed off my road at both ends. 

I slept with my window open - afraid I wouldn't hear something that would tell me if the fire was getting closer or if they came in my yard.  I knew if I began to smell the smoke again that I'd probably wake up - I would remain that alert through the night.  Restless - you know the feeling.

My brother is Asst Chief for one of the fire depts that was on the road behind me.....he would have called me and Nanny immediately if necessary.

Thank GOD we didn't have to evacuate....I would have been a nervous wreck.

AND Guess who jumped in the pool during all of this..... that nutzo kid of mine....64 degree water.  Kids!!  They can handle it.  She's in there this afternoon.  The temp's about 70 now.  We've had an 84 degree day.

YAY!!!!  Pool weather.....BOOOOO whale body!!


Monday, April 23, 2007

Available Balance: -$552.04

Yes, that's a NEGATIVE and growing.  I've got to let this one work itself out.  I cannot afford to put in the money to cover this.  I have to keep cash (and what's in my own personal account) away from Tom and forego the urge to make a deposit to make this right.

Harsh?  Yes, because it's only going to get worse before May 1st when his pension check hits.  Then whatever's left out of that will be for the essentials, mortgage, lights etc.

I cannot GIVE to the fund of destruction.

I have to let this one bite him.

His daughter's birthday check is going to come in for payment too.  NSF.  Then she's going to say "Dad's at it again"......and he wanted to mend the relationship with his daughters.  This is not the way to do it.

Thank you ALL for your wonderful comments.....and if it's not too much to ask, I'm going to show them to Tom.  Let him see that a vast amount of people across the continent care about US.  Y'all are mahhhhhhveeeeelus dahlin's.  Hugs and kisses to all!!!!!!! 

We've talked.  He packed the truck and was planning to head to his brother's think, sort things out.  (Geee thanks for leaving me home to handle the mess.)  Then he said NO, he was not going to run away from this problem.....that he wanted to get medication for depression.

I reminded him he has to tell the TRUTH to the doctor......the painful truth....."I can't handle my daily stress.....and I turn to drugs..."....

First steps of recovery.   When I told him that I "hate the Rolling Stones" he said "no you don't"...he was a bit confused at that. 

I said "well, it's what you said to me the other night while under the influence of alcohol"....I wanted him to know this....that this is what happens to him.  That these comments hurt me because, well, he said them, and then doesn't remember them much less apologize for them.  He was quite surprised by why I've suggested many times tape recording these episodes.

Spring is here......he's uncoverd the pool, filled the water level and popped in some chemicals.  He'll have a project just keeping the pool clean etc.  Miss T will soon be out of school.  She'll keep him occupied during the day. 

I've also suggested crossword puzzles....he has a lot of knowledge in that hard head of his, he can try the puzzles.  I'm working on a schedule.  Going to post it in the house...give him "chores" or weekly expectations to keep him busy.  He does a wonderful job with Tara, getting her to school and home and homework and playing chauffer to dance classes.  But I know he needs more direction.  It's a shame that I feel like I have 2 children instead of one.

Today is the first day of the rest of his life.........

Friday, April 20, 2007

He's At It Again!

When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad.................there is a negative $150 in our joint account.  Noon Update:  negative $190 -- he's spent $600 since 8pm Thursday

Wednesday was payday from Uncle Sam.  I had said that I needed to pull out a lot of money because...

1) I won't be home on Saturday (easy for Mr Man to "hang out" with whoever)

2) He's been in a funky mood, irritable, snappy, antsy (traits of "I'm gonna do something stupid")

3) Car payment, insurance and phone bills due and on direct draft.

What I cannot figure out is why this man is on a self destructive route.  He wants to moan and groan that he's "broke" or can't "have it all" (boat etc).  Yet, you can't sail a boat up your, well, whatever.

I have a friend with "special talents" who said to me "FYI don't let Tom have the truck this weekend and be sure you pull out some money".  I said that I had already planned to take the money out and drive our 2002 GMC 4 dr 2500 truck on Saturday to the competition (OK that tells you what kind of money could be lost IF he were stopped for another DUI or worse and they impound the vehicle).  We both got a good kick outta this because, GMTA!!! 

See?  I know better.  I know that if given the opportunity and in his current mind set, Tom would pull a stupid outing.

Thursday (yesterday) he said that his chest hurt (from stress) and that he could not sleep because of all the pressure I've put on him.


He blew up at ME on Tuesday about certain laundry items left unfolded on a couch that HE sits on all day (and yes he could have folded them, but they were MINE, not HIS).  And certain other miscellaneous household issues.

Bad me!  OK.  Fine, I admit that I'm not the world's neatest housekeeper.  I get up, go to work M-F; on T,W,Th Miss T has dance and I usually bring her home so I don't get home before 7 or 8 or even 9pm depending on the day.  We grab a quick meal, sometimes a drive through, sometimes an actual sit down restaurant type.  My weekends are full with Miss T etc, and sometimes my Nanny wants to go shopping and I feel obligated to be with her ---- it's the least I can do.  There are holiday weekends, dance weekends, festivals (like our Azalea Festival T was to dance at - but it rained thank you LORD!!), yard work or deck work etc.  You know the drill. 

Sometimes I just want to chill out --- do something crafty, read or just plain be lazy.

Mr Man's day........he gets up 6:15am, makes T's lunch, drives her to school and comes home and is back in bed until no earlier than 10:30, sometimes noon...............then it's a shower, leave at 1:30pm to get to school to wait till time to pick her up.  Once home, she eats and gets her homework.  Dance days are a bit rushed since she has to be there by 4 or 4:30 depending on the day....Tom drives her there. 

I don't think that I ask too much.....

I will normally ask "what's for dinner" and boy do I get a big "SIGH" and "I don't know, I haven't thought about it" (4pm).

Or I'll say "did you happen to dry the clothes?"  or "put the clothes IN the dryer"......response is "No I didn't know".....

Most days I come home and say "awww Katie what's wrong? (cat) oh no you don't have any water, poor kitty".  KABOOOM!!

This week's major no no from me was "have you called the electric company about that exposed wire?"

OMG did I ever start WWIII -----now I'm putting "too much pressure" on him.

This man cannot handle everyday life PERIOD.  And it seems more and more like he wants to be on this self destructive path.  He enjoys playing the victim.  Someone is always "against" him.....

So he turns to the drink...........then the drug.

Quite frankly I'm getting sick of it, and I don't believe I deserve this disrespect.


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Serious Business Now! guys are totally AWESOME.  Thank you for your responses for Abron.  She is such a special child amd I know she appreciates the prayers and concerns too.  She has been to a doctor to see what can be done for the ulcers in her mouth....they say this has happened before in transplant situations.  My bro-in-law said to tell her to keep up the faith.  I hope she does.

Now.....on to my serious business. 
My bestestfriendinthewholewideworldCindilou has decided to marry the old high school sweetheart she found on none other than  She told me so way back in January, but then they had a falling out over his dogs and miscellaneous mess, but for the last 3 months they've been "happier than ever"............?????????????

So, now my wide load has a reason to really get serious with some weight loss.....don't want to have to use the wide angle lense in the pictures, as I prance down the aisle all dressed up to give her away.

Seriously........I DON'T want to embarras her or myself. 

Hoodia is a great LJ, I won't overdo it's Ephedra free.  Doesn't make me jumpy or weird.  I need to cut out sugars.  Do you know, I feel better when I'm off sugars?  HELLO!!

My tough thing to give up is gonna be my Sundrop.  That's my COFFEE before my coffee.  I like Crystal Light, but I can't take the I have to get the one with Splenda.  I also picked up the Kellogg drink, gonna give it a try.

I like Adkin's Creamy Vanilla shakes, not too much sugar, decent protein etc.  I'm not much of a drinker (guess I couldn't be an alky lol) so sipping all day would be my thing.  Love ice cold anything! 

Need to watch my pasta, bread, carb intakes more veggies, and I do love a good salad. 

I need to begin diligently NOW....I've been hit n missing this past month.  Time for serious business.  There is a Curves just a couple blocks away.....easy enough.  I need to walk, but where?  when?  Sigh. 


I'm also in a funk with hubby, but I'll try to figure that one out.  He seems edgy lately, depressed, almost like he's ready to pull a fast one, all nighter and not drinking either.  Gotta go with my gut on this one and pull the money out that came in today (SS) to keep him from temptation.  Especially since me and Miss T will be gone from 7am until after 11pm Saturday for another dance competition....this time he's not coming....he's suppozed to be working on my water line from the road to the house - new county water YAY!!!!!!

Cross all fingers for me!

Love y'all!



Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Megga Prayers Needed

You may remember last Fall I spoke about the little girl needing and receiving a kidney.  Her Father works for our company as a site superintendant.  He went home yesterday afternoon, Abron wasn't feeling well, and the mom wanted/needed to go out to the grocery store.  Anyway, Abron's immune system is compromised due to her illness and she is feeling very VERY low.

Today I spoke the Dad and he sounds so down.  Said they are hearing Abron say things she's never said before.....she doesn't want to live like this anymore.

Poor baby!

I just wanna hug them and sprinkle pixie dust and make it all better.  But I can't.  I cannot imagine hearing my child, any child, saying this.  I can understand she is very frustrated.  This kidney was supposed to make her whole again...........she was so happy, thrilled when it was done.

She is the Duke Children's Miracle Network Kid !!!  She's been performing, singing her heart out.  A real trooper.  I just feel so bad for them because she is frustrated with life, medicine etc.  This new kidney was going to be her miracle cure.

Please keep Abron in your thoughts and prayers.....she is such a lovely child (normally lol). - abronkelly


Saturday, April 14, 2007


I guess I'm being picky, but

I want a roof over the small section from my slider OUT to that first post right at the new doesn't have to be papered and shingled, just there at the door entry only...then I want some type of lattice work from there out.

Not asking too much.  Tom can't conceive it....he wants a retractible awning.   Sigh....City Mouse, Country Mouse.

I am shocked that Mr Man completed the rose garden for me without grumbles....looks nice.  I will enjoy them from my back deck.

So I'm throwning in a couple of Easter pictures....I didn't take many.

THEN, I walk outside this afternoon to go to CVS and lo and behold right there, on my steps railing were those 2 lizards.  I hate lizards...they sneak in the house and all of a sudden pop up outta no where!!

Anyway, there they are, doing GOD KNOWS WHAT on my porch.  And wouldn't move.  So I went to get the camera.....guess they wanted me to hurry up and get outta the way.  I snapped a few.....looks cool.  Then I did a mean thing............


I enterrupted their moment by shooing them apart....the Male had a RED whatchamacallit just under his lizard tail....and he looked at me in a very mean tone.

In all my years of living on a farm I've never seen a lizard's teenie weenie..............nor have I seen the actual act like that.  Cute how he has one foot on her leg, and is "hugging" her with the other.


Friday, April 13, 2007

Can't Blame White People by Bill Cosby

Can't Blame White People

by Bill Cosby

They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,

Where you is,

What he drive,

Where he stay,

Where he work,

Who you be...

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.  And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English... except these knuckleheads.

Mushmouth is what they speak!

You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education,

and now we've got these knuckleheads throwing that all away.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting.

They are buying things for kids. $500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry

when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18?

And, how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father?

Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack,

isn't that a sign of something?

They're walking around with their nasty underwear showing, and

holding onto their pants to keep them from falling to the ground!

Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up?

Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up to her panty line,

and got all types of needle pierc ings going through her body?
And another thing --
What part of Africa did this come from?

We are not Africans.

Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing  about Africa.  
We are AMERICANS!!  
With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap,
and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education

is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed.

Today a woman has eight children

with eight different 'husbands' --

or men ---  or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs.

We as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids saying...

you are hurting us.

We h ave to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.

It is not for media or anyone of this timeanymore to say
whether I'm right or wrong.

It is time, ladies and gentlemen,

to look at the numbers.

Fifty percent of our children are dropping out of high school.

Sixty percent of the incarcerated males happen to be illiterate.
There's a correlation.

Tell the media to stop asking me what I think about people who don't believe what I'm saying or feel that I'm too harsh or feel that I'm just running my mouth because I'm old.

Seventy percent of the teenagers pregnant happen to be Black girls.

Don't ask me to soften my message.

Bill Cosby

Jimmy Fallon - too funny

The Funniest Intro EVER

Friday, April 6, 2007

Pictures the easy way


Happy Easter Weekend To Everyone!

OK this is my 2nd try.....lately that's happening.  Girls, tell me what has happened to being able to post from photobucket?

I can't copy and paste anymore.  What's up with that?

Anyway, we don't have any plans for this weekend that are really family never has been one for "celebrating" with a feast or anything.  Usually it's just go to church.  You get lunch where you get lunch, if Nanny is cooking you go there.  If Mom is going out, you may get invited.

Been trying to change that.  Mainly because Tom has grown up doing the feast.  I will make a lamb cake, decorate it with coconut and jelly beans.  Ham should be in order don't ya think?

Speaking of Mr Man....he's in a funk over a boat.  He really, REALLY wants to buy this boat from our friend (the one who recently died).  He's been looking at this boat for 2 years, but I don't want the financial burden right now.  I'd feel different once the truck is paid off (about 4 payments left) but he wants it NOW.  Geeeesh.

He asked me last night why does all his stuff get put to the back burner.

Does it really?  I mean, I've asked him to form a plan....strategy.  We'll need a trailer to haul and store while he's working on this boat.  Then once it's in the water, we can keep it at my Mom's on one of the lifts.

I want him to enroll in the Boater Safety Course especially after MY ride with HIM last summer.  

I reminded him how tight the money would be (for a bit).  I asked had he been trying to save any $$$$$ for gas etc.  (No)  Why am I the bad guy?

He did get my rose garden completed for me.   I planted 4 new bushes...a white, a yellow, a coral and a pink (queen eliz).  He bought some bricks to build up the area and some cedar chips to add.

Of course I got what I wanted now why can't he?


Tuesday, April 3, 2007