Friday, April 20, 2007

He's At It Again!

When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad.................there is a negative $150 in our joint account.  Noon Update:  negative $190 -- he's spent $600 since 8pm Thursday

Wednesday was payday from Uncle Sam.  I had said that I needed to pull out a lot of money because...

1) I won't be home on Saturday (easy for Mr Man to "hang out" with whoever)

2) He's been in a funky mood, irritable, snappy, antsy (traits of "I'm gonna do something stupid")

3) Car payment, insurance and phone bills due and on direct draft.

What I cannot figure out is why this man is on a self destructive route.  He wants to moan and groan that he's "broke" or can't "have it all" (boat etc).  Yet, you can't sail a boat up your, well, whatever.

I have a friend with "special talents" who said to me "FYI don't let Tom have the truck this weekend and be sure you pull out some money".  I said that I had already planned to take the money out and drive our 2002 GMC 4 dr 2500 truck on Saturday to the competition (OK that tells you what kind of money could be lost IF he were stopped for another DUI or worse and they impound the vehicle).  We both got a good kick outta this because, GMTA!!! 

See?  I know better.  I know that if given the opportunity and in his current mind set, Tom would pull a stupid outing.

Thursday (yesterday) he said that his chest hurt (from stress) and that he could not sleep because of all the pressure I've put on him.


He blew up at ME on Tuesday about certain laundry items left unfolded on a couch that HE sits on all day (and yes he could have folded them, but they were MINE, not HIS).  And certain other miscellaneous household issues.

Bad me!  OK.  Fine, I admit that I'm not the world's neatest housekeeper.  I get up, go to work M-F; on T,W,Th Miss T has dance and I usually bring her home so I don't get home before 7 or 8 or even 9pm depending on the day.  We grab a quick meal, sometimes a drive through, sometimes an actual sit down restaurant type.  My weekends are full with Miss T etc, and sometimes my Nanny wants to go shopping and I feel obligated to be with her ---- it's the least I can do.  There are holiday weekends, dance weekends, festivals (like our Azalea Festival T was to dance at - but it rained thank you LORD!!), yard work or deck work etc.  You know the drill. 

Sometimes I just want to chill out --- do something crafty, read or just plain be lazy.

Mr Man's day........he gets up 6:15am, makes T's lunch, drives her to school and comes home and is back in bed until no earlier than 10:30, sometimes noon...............then it's a shower, leave at 1:30pm to get to school to wait till time to pick her up.  Once home, she eats and gets her homework.  Dance days are a bit rushed since she has to be there by 4 or 4:30 depending on the day....Tom drives her there. 

I don't think that I ask too much.....

I will normally ask "what's for dinner" and boy do I get a big "SIGH" and "I don't know, I haven't thought about it" (4pm).

Or I'll say "did you happen to dry the clothes?"  or "put the clothes IN the dryer"......response is "No I didn't know".....

Most days I come home and say "awww Katie what's wrong? (cat) oh no you don't have any water, poor kitty".  KABOOOM!!

This week's major no no from me was "have you called the electric company about that exposed wire?"

OMG did I ever start WWIII -----now I'm putting "too much pressure" on him.

This man cannot handle everyday life PERIOD.  And it seems more and more like he wants to be on this self destructive path.  He enjoys playing the victim.  Someone is always "against" him.....

So he turns to the drink...........then the drug.

Quite frankly I'm getting sick of it, and I don't believe I deserve this disrespect.



garnett109 said...

He is going through male menopause!
Have a great weekend!

ukgal36 said...

You are right you do NOT deserve to be disrespected..i am sorry for all this.. i wish you all the best..

rayne1123 said...

thats my bob to a t only he does not drink or anything he is to lazy to lift a glass or bottle to his mouth.  and he does not take jason or me any where he sits on the computer all friggen day/night when he is home

barebytes said...

Sounds to me like he's lost faith......not in others but in himself. If he feels he is worthless to himself then he is to all those around him. I wish I could give you an easy fix but all changes have to come from within him and since you are the closest to him, only your influence and understanding can help solve this.
Hugs Lanny

dondieroy said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this stuff.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.   Sounds like you might need to have a account where he cannot get to the money.. (((HUGS)))

randlprysock said...

Oh wow this sounds very serious.  I hope it all works out.  Can you get him into a hobby???  One that doesn't cost too much moolah... like maybe wood carving or making wooden craft shelves or something like that???  Painting model T's or airplanes???  
Well have a happy weekend and do some things just for you!!

emabecmar said...

your right, you don't deserve the treatment your getting. if he wants to put himself in a low part of life then let him, but tell him he can't do it there. if it were my husband, adios sucker, been great now go find your fate. i'd open a bank account in my name only, one he can't use and transfer all your money to that account when it comes in and cancel the debit cards to other account. I pray things get better.

mumma4evr said...

sending hugs to you!!!!!

jckfrstross said...

hugs to you:)


quiltsnroses said...

oh oh!  He is blaming you for his bad behavior and just looking for an excuse.  You know it is NOT you.

chat2missie said...

I'm sorry that you have to go thru this.  Hope you have a good weekend.

jingles6721 said...

going threw the change are we ? hang in there kid , hope for the best.
have a nice get away with your friend, and nice weekend.

bobbysgirl8584 said...

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  It seems very unfair to me & it seems things are a little one sided with you having all the responsibilities.  keep your chin up; things will get better for you. I am on your side!!

deshelestraci said...

Your last line says it all.  You don't deserve this disrespect.  You are worth more than that.  

madcobug said...

You are right. You don't deserve all that negative stuff. Helen

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((HUGSTYOU)))))))))))))))))I am sorry you have to go through this,you shouldnt have to.I hope things work out for you.Have a good weekend.

queeniemart said...

unless he gets to the point where he will admit he needs help and he is addicted, even if he uses only now and then, nothing is going to change. Of course you do deserve more than this...YOU are a sober wonderful mom. You are always in my thoughts.

mastersblynn said...


gehi6 said...

My goodness, this sounds like my BF.  He's now going through a meltdowns. I try not to see that word, just a-a-a.  As that is a bad word.  I read on, but I totally relate.  That $600 deficit. My last BF used to have his future check borrowed from the bank as soon as he got the present one. He ws a gambler and a drinker and smoked incessantly.  And popped painkillers like candy. My present BF is an impovement as he is frugal and actually has money to give me.  But he complains because I like to hang out with the wrong kind of men, like him!  Gerry  

queenb8261 said...

Maybe he'll stay around and work on the water line and y'all will have a good weekend. I hope. :o)
Hugs, Barb

eml625 said...

It wont stop untill her realizes and admitts there is a problem.
I understand totally what your going through. Its rough.
I wish I could help. He can only help himself.
big hugs,

newsworthy822 said...

Hi Sharon...sorry to hear Mr Man is at it again.  My humble opinion is that he doesn't feel any self-worth due to not working anymore and the history of just doing what he wants all day.  He doesn't have to be accountable for anything.  I would agree with a previous post, to get your own account that he can't access.  Is there anything he can do like volunteering, part time job, etc. which would make him feel a part of the world??? That may sound cheesy... but it might help. Just a thought.  You will be in my prayers.

wildautumn1 said...

Been there. It's not you. Keep repeating over & over. Keeping you in my prayers.

cacklinrosie101 said...

Ugh...been there; done that.  Girl, your patience has to be just about gone with Mr. Man.  I don't know how you can take it.  You can't save those that don't want to be saved from themselves.  Hope things get brighter for you...HUGS  Chris

alphamoon65 said...

I hope he finds himself somewhere in there before he destroys everything. Sorry to hear about all this. I hope things get better soon. Sounds like he is headed down the long path of self destruction, just don't let him drag you along too far. luvs, and hugs