Monday, April 23, 2007

Available Balance: -$552.04

Yes, that's a NEGATIVE and growing.  I've got to let this one work itself out.  I cannot afford to put in the money to cover this.  I have to keep cash (and what's in my own personal account) away from Tom and forego the urge to make a deposit to make this right.

Harsh?  Yes, because it's only going to get worse before May 1st when his pension check hits.  Then whatever's left out of that will be for the essentials, mortgage, lights etc.

I cannot GIVE to the fund of destruction.

I have to let this one bite him.

His daughter's birthday check is going to come in for payment too.  NSF.  Then she's going to say "Dad's at it again"......and he wanted to mend the relationship with his daughters.  This is not the way to do it.

Thank you ALL for your wonderful comments.....and if it's not too much to ask, I'm going to show them to Tom.  Let him see that a vast amount of people across the continent care about US.  Y'all are mahhhhhhveeeeelus dahlin's.  Hugs and kisses to all!!!!!!! 

We've talked.  He packed the truck and was planning to head to his brother's think, sort things out.  (Geee thanks for leaving me home to handle the mess.)  Then he said NO, he was not going to run away from this problem.....that he wanted to get medication for depression.

I reminded him he has to tell the TRUTH to the doctor......the painful truth....."I can't handle my daily stress.....and I turn to drugs..."....

First steps of recovery.   When I told him that I "hate the Rolling Stones" he said "no you don't"...he was a bit confused at that. 

I said "well, it's what you said to me the other night while under the influence of alcohol"....I wanted him to know this....that this is what happens to him.  That these comments hurt me because, well, he said them, and then doesn't remember them much less apologize for them.  He was quite surprised by why I've suggested many times tape recording these episodes.

Spring is here......he's uncoverd the pool, filled the water level and popped in some chemicals.  He'll have a project just keeping the pool clean etc.  Miss T will soon be out of school.  She'll keep him occupied during the day. 

I've also suggested crossword puzzles....he has a lot of knowledge in that hard head of his, he can try the puzzles.  I'm working on a schedule.  Going to post it in the house...give him "chores" or weekly expectations to keep him busy.  He does a wonderful job with Tara, getting her to school and home and homework and playing chauffer to dance classes.  But I know he needs more direction.  It's a shame that I feel like I have 2 children instead of one.

Today is the first day of the rest of his life.........


allisonm96 said...

I feel for your situation. I'll keep your family in my prayers. Take care of yourself!

rayne1123 said...

i think you are doing the right thing by not  bailing him out of this one.  i can honestly say i know how it feels to not know from day to day how he will be or if there is any money.  i will pray he is honest with his dr and gets the help he needs.
hugs and prayers

deshelestraci said...

NA and AA meet during the day too!  You are one brave woman to stay with him.
I'm praying for you and Tom and Tara.

dcmeyer420 said...

Sharon, I admire you for being so strong in times like this. I am praying that Tom will see the light soon. I am worried about how Ms. T is handling all this. She have to live with Tom too. I hope I did not overstep the boundary there. Tom has to think about the kids too. Hugs to all of you. Hope things turn out for the better soon.

garnett109 said...

Does he fish ?
Have him get on -line classes on tying flies!
If it was not for this machine I'd be in the bar 12 hours a day!

imgr8phil said...

I know it must be very dificult for you having to go through all of this.  You seem pretty together with yourself over this.  He needs serious help.  Hang in there and take care.


dondieroy said...

you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Yeah. I think that best thing is to let him straighten out this mess himself ~ don't bail him out ~ let him take the blame for what is his doings.. take care and stay strong.

emabecmar said...

Oh man, thats a big negative balance. I agree, let him bail himself out of this one. My husband works with a man, who lost his wife and twin daughters to drinking and drug use. When she left taking the kids, he gave up his bad habits, started going to AA meetings every night, and goes to the gym 3 nights a week, and on weekends he is involved with coaching his twin daughters TBall games. His wife came back to him, they bought a house, and their doing great. Drinking is not hard to give up. I gave it up 28 years ago, and I do not miss it. (((((((hugs))))))))

chat2missie said...

I sure hope things turn around for your family.

mpnaz58 said...

I still find it so hard to believe that the bank ALLOWS him to continue withdrawing funds when there are none available.  Not that its the banks fault, but that kind of makes them enablers!!  I am so sorry that you are going through this, but at least you have a back up plan, your money, different account, etc...but cleaning up the mess can't be easy, or do you make him do it??  Hey, thats accountability!!  Just seems he doesn't learn :(  Take care...
xoxo !Myra

bobbysgirl8584 said...

the banks love this stuff so they can charge those gosh darn bank overdraft fees!!!  Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers; stay can get thru this.

eml625 said...

He has to want to help himself, no one else can do it for him.
Good luck, take it one day at a time.


mastersblynn said...

Tom, I Know you love Sharon and Miss T.  Please know that I understand what you are going through.  I am going to pray you back.  So when you feel the urge to do something you know you shouldn't please remember that Barbara in Texas is praying very hard for you.  I know you can do this.  All my love and prayers Barbara

mumma4evr said...

aww...honey.... I am worried about you!!! still sending hugs and prayers!!!

queeniemart said...

did he call the doc? Will he go to NA or AA?  I pray for him. He has to want it. You deserve better!
LOVE, lisa

randlprysock said...

I am so proud of you Sharon!!  You love your husband and you are being firm, strong and yet standing by him and letting him make the choice to help himself or not.  Bravo!!!  You keep on!!  Tom we are all rooting for you and we care.  You can do this.  Just dive into life and make it the best day you can everyday!!  We are all behind you both!!  Hugs,

queenb8261 said...

Some people can do it alone. Some need to detox. In our state we have managed care facilities that charge what you can pay for in house rehab. I sure hope all works out for you all.