Last night I decided to meet Tom on neutral grounds. I called and asked if he’d meet me at a favorite restaurant and he agreed. I was there first so I picked a table that would keep us out of earshot from other patrons.
I remain cold and straight forward. After placing our order the subject he brings up as the most painful is the comment I made to him that “I only stick around for Miss T”. In a note I explained to him that it wasn’t stated properly…..what I meant behind that was “how do I tear the two of them apart when each love each other - just because I don’t feel the love? So my decisions are made for HER as well as for ME until I can figure out for myself what to do”.
He says “yeah but it still hurt more than you can imagine” …… I understand that. I knew it when I had said it but there was no taking it back – it was said, and I was very angry.
I brought up the incidences of him being MIA ….and how he had let me down , disappointed and embarrassed me in front of my family and friends. Plus the “jerk” comment of this weekend with his act of “humor” – I said there was nothing funny about it. He says “I cannot change it” and of course I said “Yes you can – you can PROVE by your actions that you ARE and CAN BE astand up guy”.
He doesn’t want to lose me……..so he says, and I let him know that he’s well on the way. Because I can’t trust him, because he so easily lies to me and thinks it’s OK. He wanted to fuss about the bank account ……..I simply said “when I see money flying out of the account what am I supposed to do to salvage any money for any upcoming needs? You WON’T answer your phone when this happens and no one knows where you are.” He didn’t have an answer.
He wants his own account with an allowance put in it. I said “what happens when you spend all of THAT money and still need cigarettes or gas?”
The main issue was that I could not trust him. We need to be able to depend on him at all times. No hiding his whereabouts…doing what he says. He can trust ME and we need it returned. It is the reason I have said I’m not interested in the cruise…..I don’t want a repeat of his sister’s wedding a couple of years ago….drunk, embarrassing out right stupidity. The whole family watched it and were appalled.
We’ve been going through this mess for 10 years and I reminded him of that when he said “give me a chance to prove…”…..10 years of chances. When does it happen? I told him that I am not going to depend on him anymore, that I am making my own life and happiness because I have to.
We talked about his handicap…..how people without limbs seem to be able to “enjoy” life so why can’t he? He needs to stop sleeping so much and get out and do something! I had mentioned for him to stop watching the History Channel and old war movies for a while to see if his mood changed – he said he had thought about that and had been “old” free for about 3 days. I said GOOD keep it up.
I mentioned my stress, how I can’t get 5 minutes alone for myself….and how I don’t want to come home anymore. If I want to do my business venture, I need to be assured that he won’t mess it up….outside after dinner I asked if he would sign away his rights to claim anything of it….a Post Nuptial type agreement. He said “that hurts me, but yes I will do it if that’s what you want.”
So I had to explain to him……this way creditors can’t go after him; my parents would be more willing to cooperate and participate if they were assured he wouldn’t “blow” it. I have to show my smarts sometimes ya know lol.
He wanted to hold my hand……….just because, he said “you need me to hold your hand” – HUH?
We left for home, separate of course – 2 different vehicles…on the way I called his cell and said “Carvel?” and he said “sure”…so we met for an ice cream cone.
Once home I was still a bit aloof…..I cannot let my guard down just yet. I reminded him that the wall was up and it was great and mighty. He wants to break it down and make things right.
This morning he called me to say that my Mom and Miss T had dropped by before heading to Toys R Us and ……..
…………HE APOLOGIZED TO HER!!!!
She was shocked and impressed.
Maybe, just maybe………………………….