....at my house the little things set Tom off. But on Friday he received a call from his youngest sister. She had visited with Tom's daughter while in NY a couple of weeks ago. Obviously she's been in further contact because the nature of her call was........
........to inform him that only SHE (the sister) and Tom's neice (other sis's child) were being invited to the wedding in October.
We had already been informed by the daughter that the stepDad was "walking her down the aisle" back in late June. Tom took that pretty hard......but much harder on Friday after talking to his sister.
I think the sis should let it go.....Daughter is 31. She had not seen her Dad in 10 years until last December (you may remember I wrote about him going up there for a long weekend). Daughter has had a life of her own without her Dad for MANY years. They even quit speaking at one point.
Since he and the ex-wife were divorced, the whole family "divorced" also. His kids didn't keep in touch with their Father's side at all. Ditto for his brothers and sisters as well as his own Father. No one to my knowledge ever bothered to call the girls or send them cards etc after the divorce and especially after Tom's mother passed away in 1997. His kids didn't even attend their Grandma's funeral.
Last night Tom was having a hard time.....he was hurt...he was pissed off and he was lashing out. He'd had a couple of drinks and wanted to "go out" with me somewhere noisy and where there was a lot of people.
I took him to Walmart!!!!!!!!
Not exactly what he expected. But I could not take him to a bar....no way! Could not reward his behavior with such as that.
He promised me that on Saturday (today) he was going to be in a worse mood.....he tried.
I cornered him. I talked to him from my own point of view. His kids and I have a lot in common when it comes to our Fathers. In a lot of ways we are parallel. My parental side of the family didn't treat me fair either....my own grandma would drive past my house to visit my cousin next door without stopping to see me.
I explained to him how much my stepDad meant to me and why I would chose him over my own Dad anyday....then my tears came. He could seem my pain. (I asked my beloved Grandpa to give me away because he was the most stable man in my life - how else could I chose between my Dad and stepDad?) He began to understand how his daughter could make this decision to let her stepDad take his place in her wedding and in her life. This man has always been there to support her all these years just like my stepDad.
Tom began to "see" what I was trying to get him to understand. I know it hurt him, but the only thing he can do now is accept her decision. He wants to write her a note to tell her how he feels. I said I thought it was a good idea BUT he'd better be willing to accept her reply no matter what it is. Also, IF he goes to the wedding, he must go with dignity and respect; after all it is HER day and she wants it to be a happy, joyous occassion. She doesn't want to be on pins and needles worrying about her "guests". Then maybe after that, father and daughter can begin to heal their broken relationship.
As for Tom's sister..........I hope she stays out of this. I have just spent 24 hours calming him down. I've a good mind to call her myself, but he's asked me to leave it alone until her next call. Then he'll tell her to knock it off himself......or lil ole Southern me may just have to...........
Wouldn't be pretty.