New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com!
There's reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.
Because you don't particularly like them!
Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team
is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window
unless you're a seagull.
People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found
in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar.
What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with
their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.
I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water.
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M.
New Rule (and this one is long overdue): No more bathroom attendants!
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to