Monday, September 18, 2006

5am...do you know where your hubby is?

WARNING: 

This is an all too familiar scenario.......up at this time of the morning.  Wondering if Mr Man snuck in the house...well after a quick scan of all rooms and outside, no such luck.  I know what he's doing.  The bank account is getting worse and will as time goes on due to overdraft fees etc.  Why do they allow that to happen?  All I can say is once he's home, the ATM card will once again become mine.  Available Balance: -$154.00

I wake up frequently when he fails to come home, as one would imagine.  This night was no different.  About 4:14am I am awake, and it hits me ---- he was wearing his jewelry, gold rope with cross pendant, heavy bracelet and watch.  Now normally he won't part with these, let's hope that remains true.

However, I do have visions of the truck, windows broken, portable dvd player gone.  It would not be the first time.  It makes me extremely mad. 

I used to stay up all night.......crying, looking out the window each time I heard a car coming, hoping.  Then I would get angry, and not just angry, I mean REDNECK MAD.  I don't like me like that.  I say and do things that are very unbecoming of a Southern Belle.  Although right now visions of Scarlet are running across my mind. 

Well when I get ready to leave & take Miss T to my Mom's (school's out) he will probably have arrived home and be asleep in the truck in the yard...another familiar trend.  (He has a urologist appt at 10:30am - I doubt he makes it.)  OR.....he will wait till I'm gone before he gets here, then call me to tell me he's home and "I'm sorry" (of course).  He will know by then that all hell is about to split open and consume his life.

He has come so far...........why backslide now?  Why risk going to jail?  Impounded vehicle?  (again - lost the caddy 2 yrs ago)  The truck is about 6 months from being paid off..........I love that truck.  (Grey '02 GMC 4dr 4x4 w/lid)

Anyone wanna take bets as to how close I've come to calling this episode?

Been here done this before.......got the Tshirt, worn it out and replaced it many times. 

It makes me sad that he allows this to keep a hold on him.

I've taken a benedryl and will head back to bed now.........thanks for letting me get this out.  Love to all! Sharon

25 comments:

nelishianatl said...

I've been in your shoes so many times I cannot count.  Life is too short I would never be able to do it again.  Such a hard time.  I care.  Not enough words to say right now.  Keep on venting though.  Keep on talking to us.  We're listening.  Lots of us strong women out here have felt what you're feeling right now.
Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WISHINGANDHOPING/

angcrewswife said...

((((((Sharon)))))))))) I know those scenerios all to well, when justin and i were first starting out he would wait until I fell asleep to go out w/ the single boys and party it up. No women to my knowledge just an empty acct and a husband who i would find passed out on the front lawn. I hope things look up for you.
         Ang

garnett109 said...

so sorry to hear this!

eml625 said...

I know what your going thru and I feel so bad.....let me know if  you want to talk .
hugs,
Ellen

emabecmar said...

I hope he got home safely. Also hope things gets better soon. (((hugs)))
CIndy

mumma4evr said...

I am sorry...sending hugs!
becky

allisonm96 said...

I'm sorry to hear it, Sharon. Even us southern belles have our breaking points. I will be thinking about you!

buggieboo1 said...

been there done that!  
your in my thoughts!
HUGS
Sharon

rayne1123 said...

i am sorry that this is happening to you again, i will pray for him to get better

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((TIPIEZ)))))))))))))))))))))I am so sorry this is all happening to you.Your in my prayers.I will be thinking of you while I am gone.

mastersblynn said...

And of course I'm sorry will cure everything!  Rick used to do this to me too....One time on our anniversary!  Don't think he didn't get a letter and his head chewed off.  Why do they do this?  If we did it one time I am sure I'm sorry would not be enough!  Hugs Sharon! Barbara

chat2missie said...

I'm sending hugs your way !!  I can't imagine going thru that crap!
Missie

deshelestraci said...

(((((hugs))))))))))))  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I wish I had Tinkerbelle's magic fairy dust to sprinkle and make it all better!  What a nightmare.  Prayers for him to be ok and for him to realize that AA is the answer.  Just a shot in the dark but ya never know!
Traci

fasttrack58 said...

Big Hugs!!
Sounds like my first husband.....
Hope he pulls it back together... or else...
Have a more peaceful week!!
Linda :)

xxroxymamaxx said...

I'm sorry.  I don't know what else to say.  I'm on your side though. Big hugs and GBU, Shelly

mpnaz58 said...

I am not in your shoes, so I cannot make any judgement on this...but I'll ask, why do you stay?  My ex did so many things and that is why he is my ex...and I stayed because ??  I don't know, I just did.  Were I to do it over again, and know what I know now, I would have left when I had the chance and way before 22 years had elapsed.  Prayers to you, Sharon, for your pain that is now, and is to come.  Take care..
xoxo ~Myra

newsworthy822 said...

I know that awful feeling. Went through it several times a week with my ex. Going to the window, straining for the sounds of the vehicle, sending myself into a frenzy. It is no way to live.

I hope you can get hubby to watch my video. I know he is not a teenager (lol) but maybe it will help in some way. (note: I am 15 lbs heavier in the video. it is a year and a half old, but the stories are all the same.) Let me know when you get it!! Hope you don't mind it is kinda long, probably about 45 mins...but I was enjoying watching the speech again (hadn't seen it in a awhile) so I just put the whole thing on there and included the questions from students at the end.

I will say a prayer for hubby...
Hugs to you
Melissa
 

newsworthy822 said...

Aw sharon I just noticed you put my story as a link on your sidebar - thank you so much for that...that is so cool.
HUGS
Melissa

chevyz71gurl74 said...

(((((((((((Sharon))))))))))))
Keeping you and your husband in my
thoughts and prayers...Hoping things get better!
Hugss..~Terri~

dcmeyer420 said...

Sharon, I just want to give you a cyber hug. Praying for you and your family. Hope these dark clouds show you the silver lining soon...

am4039 said...

I'm so sorry you should not have to go through this. Hugs to you and thinking of you.

rbrown6172 said...

{{{{sharon}}}}  my heart goes out to you.  i'm praying for you...and him.  
gina

bobbysgirl8584 said...

I am so sorry you are going thru this: I will be praying for you. Stay strong; you can get thru this.
Maria

randlprysock said...

Oh man.  I am glad I read the other entry first.   I am sure he feels badly about what he has done.  Maybe you two will get a chance soon to talk it out whatever is bothering him.  Sometimes men hold everything in.  If you can get him to talk maybe he will eventually stumble across why he does these things.
Lisa

daniella12800 said...

I hope the next entry I read is he came home and all is well!


I wish that you and Miss. T did not have to go through this.  I guess we all have our issues.  I never thought that anyone else had problems always thought it was just me and Kevin and I are not normal and blah blah blah.  I feel so bad for you I really, in a way I wish I was the only one dealing with b.s.   Even though my situation is different, I think I can still understand.  

Love,

Daniella