Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Climbing a Hump

Tuesday night was a downfall for Mr Man.  He brought Miss T to me at work so that I could prepare her for pictures they are taking at the dance studio.  He went home after that. 

I called him at 6pm to tell him we were done and going to stop by Kohl's....I could tell he'd been drinking and said "I think it's time to stop".  He said OK......when I got home at 7:30pm he was NOT home and according to my temporary roommate he left about 7 or 7:10pm.  She also said she heard our conversation and that he did NOT stop drinking (beer) but had a "couple more" after that.

I phoned him, he said he was at the local grocery store.  I don't believe him.  I said turn around and come straight home.  10 mins went by and I called again.....according to him he was only 1/2 mile from where he said he was to begin with (hmmmmm taking a LONG time to drive 1/2 mile).  I suspect he was with his long time friend Jim at a restaurant he manages and doesn't want to tell me.

Once home (7:50pm - again LONG ride) I met him outside to get the same story.  I said to him that he was not being honest because "roommate" told me what time he left.  (Thank goodness phones retain the time and date of calls)

One inside he was still adamant that he was only gone for maybe 15 mins and I pointed to roomie and said "wanna ask her what time you left?"......he didn't.

At 11pm he began to vacuum and was going to mop the floor, mumbling and slamming the machine down.....Tara was sleeping and he was banging the vac so loud that I went up behind him and frapped him on the arm w/my brush.  Told him to STOP, people were trying to sleep......11pm was no time to begin housework.

This morning he said "I don't know what game you're playing......"

Oh, now I'M playing a game.


He started the Prozac Monday night....I hope it doesn't do to him what it did to my lil bro.....made him paranoid.  Tom may have to change meds, he did well on Lexipro before.

For someone who may have had a heart attack WTF is he trying to do?  Death mission?  Crying for attention (the wrong way of course)???

I've pulled out my books "Too Good To Leave Too Bad To Stay" and
"Love First" to re-read my underlinings and dog earred pages.

One of my underlinings is under the heading of "MISCONCEPTIONS" and the misconception is "A recovering [drug] addict can still drink alcohol.".....the answer is "no chemically dependent person can use alcohol and be in recovery from may set off cravings that will lead him back to [drug] use.  This is called switched addiction".  (From "LOVE FIRST" by Jeff Jay; Debra Jay)

I would love to make an outline of my underlinings of these books.  That would take some time, but may be effective.

I'm rambling again aren't I?????

I just don't think he's taking this seriously right now.

I did call Jim....he wasn't working so I don't know if Tom headed that way and found out J wasn't there and turned around.  I explained to J that Tom has been not so good, told him about the incident of 2 weeks ago along with the heart attack info....he said he'd stop by tonight after work.



garnett109 said...

sorry to hear all of this.

madcobug said...

I hope he soon straightens up. He may have to change meds. Helen

rayne1123 said...


mpnaz58 said...

Only you can make choices for your life...however, you're not living your best life having to "watch" over your hubby.  My guess is that he won't listen because he is addicted.  You already know that.  I do wish you happiness, in whatever way you can find it.  Take care...
xoxo ~myra

cacklinrosie101 said...

Sharon, you know in your heart it's the addiction.  Tom has to want to quit to stay clean and sober.  He doesn't right now.  How long can you be mama to a big boy and not lose your own sanity?  How long can Miss T live with this also?  Trust me, girl, I'm not trying to be rude but I lived this life also for sooooo long.  No judgments from me because I stayed for 18 years.  Somewhere along the line, love just isn't enough and love just faded away.  I wish you all the best.  You can't save someone who doesn't want to be save.  Love you, Chris

mumma4evr said...

so worried about you!!!!  what can I do to help?

randlprysock said...

Hang in there Sharon.  I am so glad you have a temporary room mate right now.  Prayers!!!!!!  Hugs,

deshelestraci said...

Blessings to you.  This has got to be so hard to go through.  

jingles6721 said...

sorry to hear what you got to go threw.

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))I pray that things will get better for you and Him.I was on prozac a long time ago and did nothing for me.I am now taking Clonazaepam,I know,I spelled that worng.I take 2 of thoes in the moring and it really helps me.Have a nice evneing.

jckfrstross said...

prayers for all:)


eml625 said...


I know how difficult this is on you. I pray things start getting better and the meds start to help.

ab45yui said...

I'm sorry to hear this.  My father is an alcoholic and I know the pain that comes with this addiction.  I hope he'll get on the right track.  Best wishes and prayers!

newsworthy822 said...

It's also called cross addiction. I deal with lots of people like that. They think they can't drink, but SURE they can smoke weed, cuz weed never got them in trouble, or whatever. the prob is usually that once they are impaired, they go back to their drug of choice eventually.

Sorry this is such a struggle, wish I had some advice, but I'm sure you've heard it all through all the years you've been dealing with this.  I am a big believer that people have to WANT to change to some degree.  Some will disagree with me on this... but I don't think a person can be forced. I think people only change when their internal pressure becomes so great or they become so distressed that they are forced to change.

Anyway, that's my two cents worth.. you'll be in my prayers.  

queenb8261 said...

My heart goes out to you. My Dad was an alcoholic.  I never knew how to deal with him.  My heart & prayers go out to you.

gehi6 said...

Hate to see you going through such travail.  I spent 10 years with an alcoholic, and left him numerous times, but finally had to leave for good when the ups and down moods of his alcoholism affected me and the kids too much.  He would not quit with me, but did quit and was sober for 19 years with his second wife.  Sometimes happens that way.  Not ready to quit until they have lost more.  I had to tolerance for it after that around my kids and left my second husband fast for good.  I have been into nearly a two year relationship with Doc but we have separate apts, and I try to maintain somewhat of seperate life, no kids involved, you can tolerate what you didn't want your kids to have to.  However violence and temper fits I could not tolerate long.  Due to alcoholic dad my nerves were damaged.  But I do not second guess anyone's relationship with an alcoholic.  Nobody but them knows all the ins and outs of their relationship and when they may or may not have ha enough.  There are so many variables that play into it, and pressure does not help.  I say these decisions must be made in your time and no one else's, even though people might be able to point out certain factors you have not thought of.  Gerry