Monday, January 21, 2008

Cold N Crazy / Distant N Aggravated


Temperature: 33°F 1°C
Conditions: Fair
Winds: NE 8 MPH NE 13 KPH
Relative Humidity: 35%
Barometer: 30.82 Steady
Visibility: 10.00 Miles 16.09 Kilometers
Feels Like: 26°F


And it's NOON!

I know this isn't as cold as yesterday's Green Bay / NY game but geeeesh!

I'm a summer girl.  I want and need my warmth!


Happy MLK Day to those of you sitting at home with the day off.  Me?  I'm at work, but you can't tell it eh? 

I would have LOVED to stay home today.  There is lots to do there.  Managed to get the tree in its box and back in the closet.  Still, that one room needs my attention in the worst way.  It's where everything ends up.  Craft tools, my serger and sewing machine, an extra table and computer.  Boxes of who knows what.  Gotta do an early Spring Cleaning in here!!

I spent 10 hrs Friday and 7 hrs Saturday working on Dance Costumes.  We still have a long way to go yet.  Rhinestones; bows on barrettes; slip stitching way too low bodices.

Why did I volunteer for this?  I'm still asking myself that one!  I must be nutz!

Dress rehearsal is February 2nd that's why.  And even then there will be straps and skirts pinned for adjustments.

February 15th is the first Dance Competition.  We have to be ready!


 Tom and I have been very distant for quite some time.  No "touchie feelie", no emotion (except when he's bad), just existing together.  We talked briefly Saturday morning about whether or not we were "happy" and I flat said that NO I wasn't.  I can't be.  I can't get to that plateau without waiting to go over the hill in a downward spiral.

I was in an even mood when he wasn't home Thursday night.  Because I'm in a leveled off mood with him.  If I were estatically happy I would have been crushed as in the past. 

I cannot change him and I cannot babysit him.  He even said to me "well if you had a feeling that I was gonna....." and I said "I can not babysit you!  You have to take control of your self!"

We sat and talked for quite a while.  It's the same conversation.  I explained that the reason I made the comment on Thurs "I can smell" that he'd had a drink is because #1 I can smell it and #2 everyone else can too #3 and they would question why he was drinking and bringing Miss T to dance and #4 if he were stopped by a cop...........well, I'm not interested in losing my daughter because he can't control himself.

I mean, come on......why have a beer with lunch KNOWING you have a duty to drive my daughter to a function?  What's wrong with a soda, tea or water?  Use your brain man!!  That's all!

Then he's mad cause Miss T's mad at him, so that gives him an excuse to go out and buy drugs.

Come on!

I told him I'm already looking forward to the plans I may have to be making very soon.  i.e. living arrangements. 

He needs to decide real quick like what he wants and needs to do to save his family. 



garnett109 said...

cold here a lovely 16 degrees

peytonswater said...

it's warmer there then it is here! I can't believe how cold it was in Green Bay, did you see it was colder there then in Alaska???? I'm sorry to hear about Tom, I really don't know all of it , I will have to go back and read up on your journal when I get up to par feeling better.

chat2missie said...

It warmed up here today to 22 degrees!  Have a good week.

deshelestraci said...

Amen to the end of this entry.  You do need to do something for the safety of Miss T and yourself.

cacklinrosie101 said...

Sharon, dang, I know just where you're at.  I got so sick of babysitting.  I got so sick of smelling that booze and being told he wasn't drinking.  I got to the point that I could not stand the sight of him let alone live with him and then it was done.  You can't keep being his mommy or guardian.  He has to want help.  You are not responsible for how he reacts to things, i.e. mine said he was going to kill himself if he had to leave.  Oh well, that is your actions to a situation in life that I have nothing to do with.  How you choose to react is your choice...period.  Aw, girl, I do feel for you but DO NOT permit him to drive Ms. T around like that.  Move heaven and earth to do it yourself but don't let him.  Love you, Chris

lifes2odd said...

You gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sorry things are coming down to this with you and Tom. -- I wish you were home today too, I'm getting ready to start a cleaning and organizing challenge (my tree is still up and fully decorated! Sad huh?) -- It's been cold here too but seems to finally be warming up this afternoon. Hope you have a great week, see you next weekend! Hugs, Martha

angcrewswife said...

Wow busy bee! I guess its just time to grab the bull by the horns when it comes to Tom and decide what you really want to do. Its a hard decision and you have to do what you have to do not only for happiness within yourself but for happiness within Ms T as well. Its a crappy hand that you were dealt but I have nothing but faith in you for any decision you make. Ill still be behind you!

jckfrstross said...

wow you are buzy :) enjoy your week :) keeping you and him in prayer


imgr8phil said...

This guy will never change.  You have to come to the realization of that and no more enabling him.  Cut him off as much as you can from the alcohol and drugs. I don't know how you stand it anymore.  Miss T should be your top priority, not him.  Take care.


queeniemart said...

unless Tom is willing to admit he has a problem, he will never change and you can never change him. Basically, that is everything in a nutshell. As i say all the time, YOU deserve so much better than this!! i love you.

cuteallison1980 said...

It has been painfully obvious that you two are distant.  He is off in his little world, taking you for granted, not caring about doing the right thing and you have been upset about it for quite some time.  This can't go on forever like this.  You need to live your life to the best of your ability and if that means he isn't part of it then so be it.  I never tell others to move along and end a marriage unless it is warranted.  I won't do that here since you know what is best for you and miss T.  I just worry about you both, the pain you both endure day in and day out.  Your happiness is paramount.  You have to have a liveable life, one that makes you happy.  Anyway, I will stop rambling.  Just know there are many out here that care about you. : )


eml625 said...

(((( Sharon )))))))
I feel for you , I relate to you. I really do.
You have to think of your daughter, I know she's a smart kid, you raised her that way. It's up to you to protect her. I know it's hard. I am here for you if you want to talk. I'll send you my phone number if you want.

fasttrack58 said...

Sending special thoughts in your decision making....
and all the volunteering for the Dance Costumes helps to keep you busy.....
Linda :)

springangel235 said...

I hope he makes the right decision and sees what is right from wrong...
Dance costumes will sure keep you busy...hope you have a lovely Thursday...hugs,

randlprysock said...

Wow that is a lot of sewing to do.  I keep just staring at my growing mending pile.  Hope Tom comes to see the light.  HUGS!!

xxroxymamaxx said...

I just read a whole bunch of your entries.  Catchin up!  I'm sorry things aren't going too well with Tom.  : )  Love ya!!

rgossett4195 said...

I am new to your journal and your situation.  I got sober nearly 20 years ago.  I still have to deal with it with my own children & stepsons.  As a matter of fact I think my stepson and dil are splitting up because he becomes a complete jerk when he drinks.  I try and stay out of it.

As for you, you must for your child's sake & your own sanity set some boundaries for your life.  Seems your doing that right now.  Trust me he will only get worse unless he gets some help.  AA worked for me.

My folks went to Alanon, but quit the first time because they would tell my dad how to stop me from drinking.  Only person that could stop me was me!

Take good  care my new friend!  rose