Friday, September 14, 2007

Overreacting?

 

Maybe......

Mr Man had made an interesting phone yesterday, so I was told.  So when I got home I checked and sure enough he had called his pension office to request a form......just incase he needed to change the EFT to a different account.

Say what?

Without talking with me first?

Tom and I took a ride over to the Island and stopped at the park to sit and talk.  On the way there I told him he had to "grab em" and be honest with me.....WTF is going on? and why did you call PBA? and what are your intentions?  (I think his Dad was behind that one.)

"How did you know" and of course I reminded him that I know all (lol - uh, the redial button).  He said he was just holding his options open in case he needed to make changes.

So I said "you gonna default on the mortgage? because it is also on a direct draft from our joint account and changing the EFT will cause problems."

Is not sure of his intentions......depends on us, whether we are moving forward or moving on .

See why we need to communicate?  DUH!

He said he was tired of being "in the dark about things"?

What things?

MONEY...............huh? 

"Excuse me, but you are aware that we have a mortgage, auto payment, utilities, etc...........so what's the problem?"

I reminded him how much the deposit is; how much these living expenses were along with gas.....he's filled up twice this week, first fill up was $64 and the 2nd was $50.

He just didn't do the math and he couldn't see the big picture overall.  If you have $$ and pay bills and eat and buy household goods or a new pair of shoes and pay for a prescription or 2 and the doctor, and God forbid you have an emergency like tires or battery........................

Trouble is he doesn't do the math.  This is something I've told him all along....he doesn't keep a running balance in his head of expenses.  Is why I suggested he write things down, keep receipts......the "journal" he has is a wire notebook where he can jot down concerns or accomplishments or whatever.

Did I overreact to the medicine?

Maybe.  He said that he was not abusing it....that VA didn't have the drug he'd been taking and that he would "try" theirs and if it worked, fine, if not, he'd know. 

He has complained that the VA meds are not lasting like the Rx he's used to.....I said "well, when I read the pamplet on both meds, the one you're used to is a longer lasting med anyway, didn't you read that?"

Of course not.

So while he's been trying to figure out a good balance, he failed to communicate to me his intentions.  Which I pointed out to him, had we DISCUSSED these things instead of him acting like he was hiding something, we could have avoided the blowup and we would not have both felt like we couldn't trust the other.  Instead we attaced each other and couldn't get to the root of the issue.

I hate fighting with him...........I hate when he acts like I don't know what I'm talking about.  I read the information - he didn't.  It looked to me and others like he was "over medicating" and he may have been.....look what happend last Sunday.

Tom said that incident scared him and I agree it should have.  So I'm saying "see?"......can't mix the meds and drink and be on this makeshift diet.  But we have to communicate EVERYTHING.

Now, have I been "snowed" by an addict?  In the past he had been getting a 30 day supply and not refilling until 30 days were up, so to me that is not a sign of abuse.

Maybe I was pursuaded by outside sources......one that was watching his mood and tude and assuming he was intending to just get high.  Maybe we were overreacting.  Maybe not.......

He knows I keep an eye on him for his own sake......I told him he needed to BE and REMAIN healthy at all costs.

He wanted to "fuss" about making him see a new doctor.  Well that's just too bad.  With heart and liver issues it's necessary.  Understood.  I know he hates to hear bad news, but I'm sure they're going to suggest he take the Hep medicine and cut out the alcohol....it's inevitable.

We also discussed his daughter's upcoming nuptials.  He's still insisting that he is not going.  I agree.  Once home I went online to her registry and ordered some items.  I want Tom to fill out the reply in his own handwriting.....I think that is necessary so it doesn't look like it was my decision.....it needs to come from him.

I'm too hard on him.....his words.  Maybe I am.  I find myself expecting alot from him, yet I don't see it as overbearing.  I harp too much.  He's home, shouldn't I expect certain things like repairs or even vacuum?  Dinner?  What's so hard about that?  I am up everyday going to work or dance...........I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home parent with ample free time.  Give me a break too please.  Geesh for crying out loud I even do the laundry, something he could do without much effort.  No brainers.

But then again, I am female.....the female brain works differently, no, change that, the female brain works BETTER!

 

LOVE YOU ALL - thanks for putting up with my rants these couple of weeks.  So sorry there hasn't been the normal fun and games gaiety.  Hopefully that will change soon.  You have all kept me thinking and searching and pondering my actions and reactions.  You keep me sane and laughing.

JLAND IS AWESOME!

16 comments:

garnett109 said...

now get the dishes done and the wash ok you slacker! hugz!

randlprysock said...

I am so glad the two of you were able to have some time together and talk things out!!!!!  Hugs and have a wonderful and happy and restful weekend!!!!
That's what we're here for.... friends listen and be supportive and try to make nice comments and be understanding!!!  Huge hugs!!!!!!!!!!
Lisa : )  

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))))))Do I have your addy?I would love to send you a postcard.

ktkamanski said...

Hoping this is a start in the right direction for some happier trails. Enjoy your Today and your time together. Take care,
Katie

cacklinrosie101 said...

At least you are communicating right now.  That's a step in the right direction.  My advice always....just follow your own instincts.  They are very sharp.  Let the outside noises just bounce.  Wishing you all the best!  Big HUGS  Chris

chat2missie said...

Tom should feel so lucky to have you in his life!!  Enjoy your weekend.
Missie

deshelestraci said...

Praying blessings to both of you!  You deserve to be happy.
Traci

emabecmar said...

I have learned from experience, that an addict whether it be drugs or booze, can be the biggest bullshit artists around. They are better then actors in movies. Keep your guard up, question everything. And I hope you can rest this weekend with no stress. (((((Hugs)))))))
Cindy

newsworthy822 said...

trust your gut. it won't steer you wrong.  I don't think you're being "too hard" on Tom. He acts like a child... so he should be treated like one.

hope you have a great weekend!

lifes2odd said...

Stay sane and have a great weekend Sharon!
Hugs, Martha

imgr8phil said...

I don't think you are overreacting at all.  I think he may be up to something that may leave you in a terrible position.  There is going to come a point where you can get out of this and still have something or if you wait too long you may not end up with anything.  I'm concerned about you.  Just stay aware of everything he is doing and decide upon what your best moves are.  Take care.

Phil

cuteallison1980 said...

I just think you are concerned.  You aren't overreacting at all.  I hope you do remember to look towards your own interests as well.  Don't allow yourself to get burned.  I am hopin' you will have a good weekend Sharon.

Allison

jckfrstross said...

praying this works out for all of you:) i hope the doc appt all is told of the use of pills and his drinking its not good for him and for you.

Deb

mpnaz58 said...

I think you have some long and hard decisions to make.  Will it change your life??  Definitely.  Its changed in the past couple of months.  Life is always changing.  I feel for you.  It is stressful living like that...for everyone under your roof, including Miss T.  Pray for clarity, and the answers will come to you.
xoxo Myra

queeniemart said...

i love you, always. I hope this weekend is a nonstressful one.
lj

mtrib2 said...

Thanks for contacting me and asking how I am doing Sharon.    I think it is OK for you to rant and express your frustration.    I am mad and rant over and over in my mind about a person that I advanced $300 to plus gave him an old truck that he made money off of.    That was in 2005/Dec.     He is a drunk and has cheated several other people that I am aware of.     I know now that I can't be nice to someone like that and his recent statement of wanting to make amends does not change anything as I don't believe a word he says.     I only know what I have experienced is all and can't say something about someone I don't know.     My point is that being nice is the wrong approach.    I will hold him accountable and let him know my distrust as other's also distrust him completely.      I don't sit at the computer very long and just had my second steroid lumbar epidural injection Sept. 13.     The first was June 28th.     I get relief for about 6 to 7 weeks and then I can't do the physical activity on my home addition construction with my worker that is my neighbor.     I hope to get the roof on this fall.    I will let you know more in the future.      mark