Saturday--It's gettin hot in here!

Hey J-landers.....that almost sounds like Ann Landers LOL!!  Here's some pics of the farm.  Well shoot....there was pics of the flowers and the new duck and turkeys...I'll have to go find them in my camera and download them later.  If you look closely you can see that Nanny has a lot of blooms.

Nanny called to say "I'm frying chicken, so come on".  Her fried chicken is my favorite, only she had just legs.  Not my fav.  My DH & Step Dad had took off to get a new mallard duck and came back with 2 fat turkeys!  One was so fat she could hardly walk!  Can you say "stuffing"????  I can't....I won't eat them outta the yard like that...never have been able to.  Guess that once I've named them I just can't go there!

My Nanny is cool....I give her such a hard time!  Every Spring and Summer and Fall if she can, she makes us take the "Garden Tour" of all her blooms.....like I don't see them everyday anyway!  Hello.....I live next door.  OK so it is 1000 feet away, but still.

Tara and Tom followed my Mom & step Dad over to the beach house.  T&T were going fishing but that was a bust.  They say maybe tomorrow.

I stayed home to put the shelves in my new bookcase; wash/dry laundry.  I even tryed to play a few tunes on the old pianny, boy am I outta practice!  Whew...my a/c is having to work overtime for me...it's actually HOT in here!  Had to sit here at my puter for a while to cool down.  It's only 83 outside....gee, must be having flashes LOL!!!  No, wait, I had that stuff removed in January.......hmmmmmm. 

OK, back to the grind ....TTYL!!!!

Chillin

Here I sit at this computer tired as I can be.  I haven't slept well in a number of days.  Part of that is my fault.  I sit up and enjoy some quiet time alone while the TV is on and everyone else is in bed.  The other part is complements of DH....ya'll know what the D stands for these days.

I came home from work with a crazy headache and laid down.  Miss T was at Nanny's and when she got home she checked on me and asked if I would like an ice pack (sweet child) and of course I said YES!

Tom had left a note about his concerns about how he feels like I'm not being supportive of him in his court quest (UGH!).  And how he hates to ask me to transfer money into his account.  Hey, if I didn't have to hide it from him we wouldn't have to be this way.

So I left him a note while he was out getting our dinner (Chinese).  It said basically that we never do anything anymore (that either!); that I have to work and think and decide for everyone; I have to keep behind him and Tara about her homework; I have to be the banker and holder of funds due to his past indescretions; and mostly that when he drinks he becomes loud, irrational and obnoxious.  He said he'd work on these things.  (Same old song and dance, my friend - Aerosmith)

I had my dinner on the deck, alone, in the peace and quiet of my backyard.  It was nice, no TV noise, no kid noise, no hubby music or fartz or other noise...just me and a few birds. 

(There goes my motorcycle friend...he is on his way home and I always listen for him between 11:20pm and 11:45pm...if I don't hear him I get worried because this road is long and dark and full of deer).

Anyway, after dinner I took a ride to the mall.  I needed some Clinique so I stopped by Belk's.  Then I went into JCP just to look around.  I picked up a couple of shorts for my nephew, Chase.  Then to Target where I got him a couple of shirts to match.  It was nice to be out alone.  The day here was beautiful...not a cloud in site and about 77 degrees with a light wind.  This made the night even nicer.

Usually when I'm angered or in a bad mood, I listen to an old Aerosmith CD from way back.  "Draw the Line" and "Kings and Queens" usually get me out of my bad mood.  But I didn't have this with me darnit.  So I settled for Train.  I like Jimmy Buffet too, but it wasn't that type of night.

Saturday night I am supposed to sit with my nephew (he goes to sleep at 7:30pm - he's only 10 months old) while his mom and dad are out to eat with some friends.  I told Miss T that she could go with me.   She loves her little cousin.  I think that when he has his one year pics made in July I'm gonna take Miss T too and have their pic made together.  She'll love that and so will my Mom. Hey that could be Mom's birthday gift...her b-day is just 4 days after his!!! Wooo hooo...got that nipped in the bud!

Well, the eyes have had it....and if I don't want another headache tomorrow I'd better say Adios! oops, I mean Nite Nite.

TGIF! I need Calgon!

This is my life these days.....  What a crazy week.  Miss T had her dance pictures taken yesterday afternoon, well it was more like evening when it actually happened.  We were to be there 30 mins early (4:30pm) than our scheduled time.  As always these things run late....at 6:30 we were beginning to take the shots.  Geeez....try to keep 12 kids in make up and costume calm without smudging or worse.  Finally at 7:30 I'm leaving the parking lot and heading for home.  T wants chic-fil-a, her favorite thing next to pizza.

Once home, my DH had indulged in a martini and was on number 2.  Mind you that the martini glasses that I bought, I measured them with my chest to insure proper size.  I'm a 40D.  So that tells you what the size of his drinks are.  Tom is a heavy pourer....even his family makes fun of the "tommy-knocker" drinks.  He didn't believe me when I said this, but he called his bro & dad and they confirmed.  Nevertheless, Tom was on drink 2 when I got home. 

It totally changes his personality.  He can be fun.  But he can be ill and last night he became ill.  Growling about wanting a passport for identification purposes (since his driver's license is revoked due to March ticket and refusal to blow).  His atty is telling him since he's on such heavy meds for his knee pain that he might be able to pursuade the judge to see that it was Medicine and not booze that impaired him that night and that he always walks with a stagger because of the knee (total replacement surgery Jan 2005).  "Oh puh...leeeez, you were drunk and you know it and now you're just trying to weezle out of trouble.  You got caught and now you're whining" came out of my mouth.  That started it!  "You don't stand behind me...you want to see me put in jail for 2 years.... " yadda yadda.  Yep .... 2 years due to his priors.  I call it habitual.  He hates that.

                           

He hates NC.  Claims he never got into trouble until he came here.  HELLO!!!  He was a NY cop for crying out loud...they "look after their own".  He pulled his share of "stuff" up there, and it was "OK".  But nooooooooooooooo, coming to NC, well, they are just after him.  Now can't you just see that the whole state of NC is focused on just Tom.  Someone call the whaaaambulance!

Then he says that I took all his money (from the recent SS benefits back payment), says that's all I want, is to see him in jail so that I could have all his money (he has NYPD retirement income too). 

(YAWN)  Then in bed he mumbles "I'm gonna sell this house".  Oh the drama.

So the maniac calls me this morn to "see how you're doing".  He says he is sorry for getting mad last night.  I said "why were you so mad?  What makes you so mad??  Make a list and tell me why".  I think this is a good starting point for him.   We'll see how that goes when I get home from work.

I say YAY because it is TGIF and I can leave this j-o-b behind till Monday.  Dramaville, Inc. has it's moments too.  My co-worker is taking belly dancing lessons.  Trust me, she's 49 and it is a funny thing.  She is a wacko by nature, but to imagine her in this class......ew!  Our subcontractors take off early on Fridays, so I bang out early too.  Usually around 2pm.  You'd think I could go home and get a lot done, but no!  I'm so tired I usually take a nap!

I don't think I've ever told ya'll that each and every day my feet hurt.  Well, yours would too if they drug my fat assssss-piration around all day.  I have fallen arches and of course I don't wear proper supportive shoes.  I WILL NOT WEAR ORTHOPAEDIC SHOES - I REFUSE!  But I do wear tennis shoes with good support alot and I love flip flops or other soft bottom shoes.  I take MSM daily as well as calcium and this seems to help.  What frightens me is that my Granny died in 2000 and I learned just 2 days before her death that she had bone cancer.  And her feet hurt her every day (she was a hostess for a long time).  Do you think I'm going to see if I have cancer??? No way!  I don't wanna know.

Anywho, that's my beef for now!  Hope youse guys have a grand weekend!

                     

Just mixing up a Happy Potion for everyone in J-land.  Hope your Thursday is a good one! 

I had a short talk with Miss T last night about "worrying".  She said the therapist told her to "thump" way her bad thoughts (like the conscience good / evil guys on your shoulder).  I said this was a good idea.  Plus I told her that the therapist told me that what T had said about the preacher's comment "worrying is sin".  I told Miss T that I did not agree with this and some other things that preacher has said before.  She looked surprised and asked me "does Grammy know that?" and I said yes.  More surprised.

Tara puts a lot of faith in her Grammy and my Nanny so I guess it did come as a surprise to her that I did not always agree with my own mother.  Trying to explain to her that everyone has things they worry about, but don't do it is not easy.  We all worry.  But we must decide between good and bad worry.   It is OK to worry about an upcoming storm....if you're in a boat, not if you're in your own home that God has designed to shelter us.  It is OK to worry or be concerned about a test, or a tooth that hurts etc.  We should not be so consumed that worry causes us to become sick or overwhelmed.  Or become so obsessed with it that it leads us to do evil, backslide or "sin".  Maintain some self control.  Rationalize I guess.  It is hard to be rational or logical at 9 years old.

OK, I'm done rambling!

                                   

Now for more wizardry and magic.......Queeniemart : I predict you will receive a surprise.

                             

Happy Hump Day from ME

Foot N Mouth Disease

Isn't amazing how such a small mouth can hold a foot?  I mean, how many times have we had to eat crow?  or wished we could re-wind.  As a parent, we were not given a manual on how to raise kids.  Yes, we received the info about feeding and diapers and shots, but not on communication.  So many things we tell our children will be taken literally, as spoken, and held to the bone.  Other stuff they will "yes" us to death and "I didn't hear you" will come out of those mouths.  Then why do they always and I do mean ALWAYS remember "you promised......" me something?  I dunno.

I try to choose my words....I really do. 

My DH doesn't always "hear" what I meant to say.  When he tells me what he "heard" I usually say "Huh??  I never said....." .  Trust me, he goes off the deep end waaaaaaaay over there sometimes - totally different planet.

Sometimes I just try to cheer him up with an off the wall comment, but he is so defensive a lot of times.  So what can I do?  "Yes" him to death....just like the kids do parents, like he does to his Dad.

Anyway, that is not what I wanted to write about here.

Miss T & I went to her therapy appointment this morning.  I met with the counselor first.  She wanted to know what church we attended.  I said None right now.  (So now I'm curious as why)  It seems that one day when Tara was in church with my Mom she heard the Preacher say (and my Mom) that "worry was a sin".  She has let this comment mannifest itself into her little world and when she has a normal worry/fear she is double worrying because she is "sinning".  HUH?  Now guess who the counselor wants to meet with ...........................my MOM!  Yay!!!! 

A little history for ya....my Mom is a religious fanatic and she will tell you this.  She is S. Baptist, born and bred.  She would insist that "as long as you live under my roof" we went to church.  Sometimes the sermons were quite scarey for me growing up.  We didn't have a Childrens' Service like some do now, so we sat with the grown ups.  I resented being "made" to go to church.  I do not think that I need to be "scared" into heaven, nor that I can be.  God is love and loving yet to be respected and obeyed.  We've got the good old 10 commandments.  We have faith.  I believe in the immaculate conception; the death and ressurection.  I don't believe that God is going to doom me to Hell because I may have worried.  I resent the implication that has been made to my child and now she fears her own feelings.

And worry is a feeling.....just like happiness, sadness, excitement etc.  We all have it....we can't dispute feelings.  But there are ways to control the outcome of these feelings or the way we handle them.

The counselor says we now must begin the process of de-programing this interpretation and she set up an appointment for next week with my Mom & Tara. (hehehe - sorry, I couldn't resist)

(This is the same preacher that I wrote about in my initial journal start up here.  The one coming to "talk to me" about my living arrangements. )

I know that my Mom was only trying to tell Miss T that God does not want us to worry....God will take care of you.  But now she has it in her mind that by worrying she is doing a really bad thing.  T also worrys about being "alone"...say if something should happen to my Nanny while she & T were together like they were in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago.  But I have talked to her about what to do in case Nanny were to fall or she can't get her to talk or wake up.  Call 911 and or/ME and I'll dial 911.

See?  No handbook for these things.  "Anything you say can, and will, be held against you".  I cannot say to Miss T "stop worrying about that because..........".  It just doesn't compute that way.  I try to be rational.  Yet I must remember she is only 9 and does not understand it all.

Not like us adults do or should.  When I say "better pissed off than pissed on" I truly believe that to be true.  But I've thought about that comment today and come to realize that people who get "pissed off" sometimes feel "pissed on" as well.  So I'm here to say to J-land that I'm sorry for your troubles if you're having any (and we ALL are!).  I truly hope that God will place the best possible remedy in your path.  You may not like it but the outcome is suppozed to be the place God wants to put you. 

I am thankful for my J-land family and friends.  I value each and every comment that is offered.  Life is a learning tool for us all.....I learn from each of your experiences.  I laugh when you laugh and I hurt when you hurt.  You've been there done that, got the tee-shirt and have become an expert.  Now share some of that wisdom dammit!!!!

2-fer Tuesday

Hey gang.......it's getting close, that famous day of the week we all look forward to.  Yipppeee!!!

                       

I put 2 new things on my sidebar...one was a Birthday Alert where you can enter your birthday and it will email me and say "Yo...say happy day to _____";  the other was a little quiz I made up after I did Hadon's.  My co-worker of 6 years failed it LOL, but she didn't do too bad; actually she knows me quite well.  I do like history, but mystery is my fav...and I do like rum, so I figured if I was gonna be in a hammock I'd already have some rum....now where's the breeze???

                         

 

2 more things for 2-fer Tuesday.  We've got a couple gals in J-land needing support and prayers.  One medical and one emotional.  Let's lift them up.

                          

Shoes, now I do love shoes.  There was a 1/2 off sale at the outlet this weekend and wouldn't you know it they only had ONE pair in my size of any color...and I wanted 2.  Grrrr.  My poor lil girl now has 10 pair of shoes, mostly flip flop stuff.  Shoe fettish ...... that's me!

                       

I would like to say a big  for all your well wishes and comments about my Miss T and her panic attacks.  It really means a lot to know there are others who have been through this and come out on top.  I still have attacks from time to time, it just depends on how life it treating me.  When these happen to Tara, I try to remember how I felt and what worked for me and then get her to try those.  This weekend's attitude I believe is part of her anxiety.  We have a counseling session in the morning, I'll see what she has to say about it.  Thanks again my great J-land family.                      ...............Sharon