Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Foot N Mouth Disease

Isn't amazing how such a small mouth can hold a foot?  I mean, how many times have we had to eat crow?  or wished we could re-wind.  As a parent, we were not given a manual on how to raise kids.  Yes, we received the info about feeding and diapers and shots, but not on communication.  So many things we tell our children will be taken literally, as spoken, and held to the bone.  Other stuff they will "yes" us to death and "I didn't hear you" will come out of those mouths.  Then why do they always and I do mean ALWAYS remember "you promised......" me something?  I dunno.

I try to choose my words....I really do. 

My DH doesn't always "hear" what I meant to say.  When he tells me what he "heard" I usually say "Huh??  I never said....." .  Trust me, he goes off the deep end waaaaaaaay over there sometimes - totally different planet.

Sometimes I just try to cheer him up with an off the wall comment, but he is so defensive a lot of times.  So what can I do?  "Yes" him to death....just like the kids do parents, like he does to his Dad.

Anyway, that is not what I wanted to write about here.

Miss T & I went to her therapy appointment this morning.  I met with the counselor first.  She wanted to know what church we attended.  I said None right now.  (So now I'm curious as why)  It seems that one day when Tara was in church with my Mom she heard the Preacher say (and my Mom) that "worry was a sin".  She has let this comment mannifest itself into her little world and when she has a normal worry/fear she is double worrying because she is "sinning".  HUH?  Now guess who the counselor wants to meet with MOM!  Yay!!!! 

A little history for Mom is a religious fanatic and she will tell you this.  She is S. Baptist, born and bred.  She would insist that "as long as you live under my roof" we went to church.  Sometimes the sermons were quite scarey for me growing up.  We didn't have a Childrens' Service like some do now, so we sat with the grown ups.  I resented being "made" to go to church.  I do not think that I need to be "scared" into heaven, nor that I can be.  God is love and loving yet to be respected and obeyed.  We've got the good old 10 commandments.  We have faith.  I believe in the immaculate conception; the death and ressurection.  I don't believe that God is going to doom me to Hell because I may have worried.  I resent the implication that has been made to my child and now she fears her own feelings.

And worry is a feeling.....just like happiness, sadness, excitement etc.  We all have it....we can't dispute feelings.  But there are ways to control the outcome of these feelings or the way we handle them.

The counselor says we now must begin the process of de-programing this interpretation and she set up an appointment for next week with my Mom & Tara. (hehehe - sorry, I couldn't resist)

(This is the same preacher that I wrote about in my initial journal start up here.  The one coming to "talk to me" about my living arrangements. )

I know that my Mom was only trying to tell Miss T that God does not want us to worry....God will take care of you.  But now she has it in her mind that by worrying she is doing a really bad thing.  T also worrys about being "alone"...say if something should happen to my Nanny while she & T were together like they were in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago.  But I have talked to her about what to do in case Nanny were to fall or she can't get her to talk or wake up.  Call 911 and or/ME and I'll dial 911.

See?  No handbook for these things.  "Anything you say can, and will, be held against you".  I cannot say to Miss T "stop worrying about that because..........".  It just doesn't compute that way.  I try to be rational.  Yet I must remember she is only 9 and does not understand it all.

Not like us adults do or should.  When I say "better pissed off than pissed on" I truly believe that to be true.  But I've thought about that comment today and come to realize that people who get "pissed off" sometimes feel "pissed on" as well.  So I'm here to say to J-land that I'm sorry for your troubles if you're having any (and we ALL are!).  I truly hope that God will place the best possible remedy in your path.  You may not like it but the outcome is suppozed to be the place God wants to put you. 

I am thankful for my J-land family and friends.  I value each and every comment that is offered.  Life is a learning tool for us all.....I learn from each of your experiences.  I laugh when you laugh and I hurt when you hurt.  You've been there done that, got the tee-shirt and have become an expert.  Now share some of that wisdom dammit!!!!


madcobug said...

Guess maybe she did misunerstand about the worrying part being a sin. Bless her heart. If that is true then I sin a good bit by worrying about things. I think what you said about your mom saying to not worry that God will take care of you is probably what your mom did mean. Hope it all gets sorted out and hope your daughter will quit worring about it. Helen

mastersblynn said...

Oh poor baby!  No wonder she has panic attacks!  I like you was forced to go to church.  Thank goodness this did not ruin my relationship with the Lord.  I am glad you went to counciling with Tara. Who knows how much this would have affected her in life if you hadn't nipped it in the bud.  Let her know that worrying is natural and we all do it.  God forgives us.  It is not a sin to worry, but there is no need to do so.  God will take care of all our needs and whenever we do get worried about something we can go to him and ask for him to ease our concerns.  Good luck. I will be praying for you guys! XOX Barbara

daniella12800 said...

I love reading your journal!  thanks for finding me so I could find you!  You got pretty deep in this entry...wish I could help, but I have the t-shirt that says full of drama with no advice! LOL!

I hope this session between your mother and daughter go well.  I guess you don't realize what words are said and the effect it will have.  I pray this theropy will work for Miss. T.  I feel so bad that she is so young and has to deal with such adult issues..for that matter issues adults have a hard time coping with.  


newsworthy822 said...

your daughter reminds me of ME when i was a kid. I had some very odd fears. one of them, was of lying to people. i was deathly afraid "God would punish me" if I lied. I don't know where I got this, because I didn't have any overly religious people in my life. For a while, I would not tell my mother I loved her, because I was not sure I did and I didn't want to lie. this tore her up. I did eventually tell her. I find it very interesting reading about your daughter. I am glad you are working with the therapist, I am sure it will help.

imgr8phil said...

We all get foot in mouth disease from time to time so not to worry.   You are a funny lady, enjoyed your entry.  Have a nice Thursday.


jckfrstross said...

Hi new to your journal:) i have added you to my alerts so i will be back lol i hope your daughter gets to feeling better with the attacks 9 is a tough age


mtrib2 said...

Sometimes I think I am thinking about things and it seems like worrying but it is actually just thinking.   I would worry as a child about my schoolwork and I knew I must do it or get a failing grade.    It seems that school was my biggest worry and if there was a way to just accept getting whatever grade that would have been unrealistic.   I think if we have worries the only way to lessen them is to talk to someone who we can relate our concerns to.    I don't know exactly how to teach a child that worrying is something that should not be done.    I think someone should explain to her the difference between worrying and accepting.    Just to say it is a sin does not explain why it is a sin.      mark

chat2missie said...

Hope your having a great day.

sazzylilsmartazz said...

Sorry your little girl experienced this. Hopefully she'll grow out of these feelings.

pennietoonz said...

God wants us to place our trust in Him and not worry. Easier said than done and He realizes we are human, after all! I remember being young like T and fretting about things. The flip side to all this is that God will forgive us if we ask with an open heart. I hope she`s feeling better.