Isn't amazing how such a small mouth can hold a foot? I mean, how many times have we had to eat crow? or wished we could re-wind. As a parent, we were not given a manual on how to raise kids. Yes, we received the info about feeding and diapers and shots, but not on communication. So many things we tell our children will be taken literally, as spoken, and held to the bone. Other stuff they will "yes" us to death and "I didn't hear you" will come out of those mouths. Then why do they always and I do mean ALWAYS remember "you promised......" me something? I dunno.
I try to choose my words....I really do.
My DH doesn't always "hear" what I meant to say. When he tells me what he "heard" I usually say "Huh?? I never said....." . Trust me, he goes off the deep end waaaaaaaay over there sometimes - totally different planet.
Sometimes I just try to cheer him up with an off the wall comment, but he is so defensive a lot of times. So what can I do? "Yes" him to death....just like the kids do parents, like he does to his Dad.
Anyway, that is not what I wanted to write about here.
Miss T & I went to her therapy appointment this morning. I met with the counselor first. She wanted to know what church we attended. I said None right now. (So now I'm curious as why) It seems that one day when Tara was in church with my Mom she heard the Preacher say (and my Mom) that "worry was a sin". She has let this comment mannifest itself into her little world and when she has a normal worry/fear she is double worrying because she is "sinning". HUH? Now guess who the counselor wants to meet with ...........................my MOM! Yay!!!!
A little history for ya....my Mom is a religious fanatic and she will tell you this. She is S. Baptist, born and bred. She would insist that "as long as you live under my roof" we went to church. Sometimes the sermons were quite scarey for me growing up. We didn't have a Childrens' Service like some do now, so we sat with the grown ups. I resented being "made" to go to church. I do not think that I need to be "scared" into heaven, nor that I can be. God is love and loving yet to be respected and obeyed. We've got the good old 10 commandments. We have faith. I believe in the immaculate conception; the death and ressurection. I don't believe that God is going to doom me to Hell because I may have worried. I resent the implication that has been made to my child and now she fears her own feelings.
And worry is a feeling.....just like happiness, sadness, excitement etc. We all have it....we can't dispute feelings. But there are ways to control the outcome of these feelings or the way we handle them.
The counselor says we now must begin the process of de-programing this interpretation and she set up an appointment for next week with my Mom & Tara. (hehehe - sorry, I couldn't resist)
(This is the same preacher that I wrote about in my initial journal start up here. The one coming to "talk to me" about my living arrangements. )
I know that my Mom was only trying to tell Miss T that God does not want us to worry....God will take care of you. But now she has it in her mind that by worrying she is doing a really bad thing. T also worrys about being "alone"...say if something should happen to my Nanny while she & T were together like they were in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago. But I have talked to her about what to do in case Nanny were to fall or she can't get her to talk or wake up. Call 911 and or/ME and I'll dial 911.
See? No handbook for these things. "Anything you say can, and will, be held against you". I cannot say to Miss T "stop worrying about that because..........". It just doesn't compute that way. I try to be rational. Yet I must remember she is only 9 and does not understand it all.
Not like us adults do or should. When I say "better pissed off than pissed on" I truly believe that to be true. But I've thought about that comment today and come to realize that people who get "pissed off" sometimes feel "pissed on" as well. So I'm here to say to J-land that I'm sorry for your troubles if you're having any (and we ALL are!). I truly hope that God will place the best possible remedy in your path. You may not like it but the outcome is suppozed to be the place God wants to put you.
I am thankful for my J-land family and friends. I value each and every comment that is offered. Life is a learning tool for us all.....I learn from each of your experiences. I laugh when you laugh and I hurt when you hurt. You've been there done that, got the tee-shirt and have become an expert. Now share some of that wisdom dammit!!!!