"D" ?? @*&%$

 

"D"............that's what came home on Miss T's interim report card for "not turning in spelling/writing work".

Say what?

 

This is the first year she's ever had anything less than a "B" on her report card.    "C" in Math and in Social Studies.

Needless to say she's in deep dooo dooo.

No computer/webkins time;

No TV;

No friends over etc.

Tom said I was being harsh if I didn't let her go to the birthday party this Saturday (of a dance friend)....after all, the friend is requesting her to attend. 

OK Fine she can go, but nothing else.

She called me today to say she knew she had done the work and she had found it in her notebook.....now can I watch TV?

NO!

Not until the teacher tells me you have improved.

Gotta stick to my guns on this one.

Miss T tried blaming it on "the situation at home".

Now, that is NOT normally the way she would talk.

Yes, maybe our conflicts have affected her, but she is rule oriented and would not have NOT done the work....just not turned it in, said it was because the teacher didn't "ask" for it.

I told her that you have to be responsible and turn it in yourself in case the teacher doesn't ask for it.....that way you're sure.

I think there is an underlying issue.  Because of her choice of words.  I think the words were "given" to her as what to say is wrong.

Anyone ever been manipulated?  Or felt like it was happening to you?

I have.  I just can't explain it in this journal.  Not yet.

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Interesting weekend

While I am still sick and battling this cold I am still alive and well.

Thank you ALL for the wonderful comments and well wishes.

My brain is being fried due to all the stress related partitions of my life.

For instance I was supposed to pick up a little girl last Wednesday night and I forgot....until Friday night!!  Bad me!  Luckily the Mom made other arrangements. 

So Tom is home.......

Thursday I stayed home from work...sore throat, headache, snotz etc.  Friday was the same.  Then Tom said Friday afternoon about 4pm "I'm going to run see "J" at the restaurant" and I gave him that look and a sigh.  He said "trust me".

He called at 5pm and said "do you want me to pick up pizza?" and we all said yes.

6pm......7pm........7:30pm I left home to pick up a sandwich from Smithfield's since Miss T and Roomie had already eaten.  He was NOT at the restaurant or the pizza joint or the bar.

Midnight.......in comes Tom.

He had aggravated himself over the DVD player and decided to go and try to "buy it back"..............unsuccessfully.

I yelled and fussed and threatened and threw things and made him call his brother to tell him that only 48 hours after being home, here we go again.

Brother and I both said that we think he is deliberately trying to sabotage this relationship.

That's when the mess began....

Back and forth over what DO you want? and I don't know and stop wasting my life and why and.........on.

Then he said a heartbreaker........

That he didn't have that loving feeling anymore, not like he used to.  He then explained how I had been making him feel less than a part of this relationship.

 

He was right.  OMG.

And that he had also been shutting me out as well and that was not good.  We needed to be US again like before.

We cried.

We held each other.

And realized that we needed to get back to basics.  Back to focusing on us and the life ahead.

I had been pushing him away....I know that...I felt that.  What else could he do?  It just never seemed to end with our constant unhappiness so we were both fighting each other like a tug of war.

Saturday we spent cleaning on the house.  Then we cooked dinner together....a nice change.  We used to do that...see?  Used to.  He invited me out to a movie "Vantage Point" - great show! and then we had Coldstone Ice Cream.  Just like a real date.  He held my hand and opened the doors.

WHO IS THIS MAN????

Sunday was nice........I cooked breakfast and we went to the grocery store.  Tom asked me if I'd help him cook the sauce and make Ziti.  I said OK, but I had chipped one of the acrylic nails and needed to fix it, so I took off.  Only they were not open and when I got home the sauce was complete.

We had wine with dinner....Tom had 2 glasses.  I said "let me make an observation please without you getting defensive" and I said that I noticed he had 2 glasses of wine; yet when he'd go to the restaurant and have 2 glasses he was always more than schnockered.

He admitted that there were stops at the liquor store prior to that.  But now NO MORE LIES -- always upfront.

Am I skeptical?  Yes.  Am I going to keep my eyes open and my fingers crossed??

You betcha!

We had lunch together today after his VA appointment.  It was nice.  No stress....good conversation.

He's even reading the book his brother sent home with him.  He started it today.  Joel Olsteen "Your Best Life Now".

 

Wow...and he's not a reader!!!!

Hmmmmmm me thinks there's hope yet.

We've talked about moving.....not soon, but eventually.  I know he's always wanted to go to Florida....Sarasota area (hey Martha!!).  I know I would love it too.......if I could get past my fears.

My silly fears.

 

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Nothing yet

Thank you RoxyT, Joyce, Ang & LJ....now I have the funk!  Head is stopped up, sore throat, blowing the nose etc.

Tom seems quite calm.  Brother sent him home with a book to read about being the best YOU that YOU could be.  He's not a reader but he did promise bro he would read it.

He did ask me if there was still room in my heart for him.

I hesitated.

He didn't like the hesitation, said "that can't be good".

Of course there is a fine line between love and hate.

When we are able to talk without interuption or prying eyes/ears I'll fill ya in.  Right now I don't want to do anything but stay in bed, take my drugs and sleep!

Miss T has been worried about that satellite they shot at....scared it will fall on the earth, namely her!  She worries about everything.  I can understand that......at such a young age no one can fully comprehend it all. 

 

Mixed Feelings

Tom comes home today....2:30pm.

He called last night.....says he's coming home with a new attitude and he's going over his list.

List?

Says I have questions to answer.

I say HE has questions to answer....or rather, what changes is he willing to make.

I wonder if he filled out the sheets in his paper notebook where I made headings?  Things like what he likes/dislikes about himself etc....

Yes, I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn close ROFLMAO!!!  I harp on him when he's had a drink - I wouldn't if it didn't affect him so and maybe if he'd be quiet when necessary.

Why does it make me react that way? 

Because he gets weird?  Unrational.  Loud.  Obnoxious.  I'll video tape the next incident and replay it for him to show him how stupid he acts.

Ground rules?

He's 56......you wouldn't think we'd need them.

He is one that craves a pat on the back, a "thank you", or "good job" often.  Guess I take for granted that the things he does is normal and shouldn't have to be "rewarded" - but I know it is nice to hear.

Especially when dinner is cooked when I get home (rare).

Anyway, mixed feelings.

It's been quiet......no stress other than getting up and getting the girlie to school then figuring out a way to get her home then to school.  Since I work so far away it's not feasible to run home.  It's been nice having Mom pick her up and meet me 1/2 way when I needed it.

Sleeping alone?  Used to bother me.  Actually I hate sleeping alone.  But this time, it's been cake.

He asked if I had missed him a little.....I said "yeah, a little".

It's been quiet..........oh so quiet.

....then WINNERS!

Yay!  Miss er, Roxy T's solo!  2nd place!!

 

Her groups all won First! and some had overall scores for the day!!!

Friday night was a blast.  "S" had her very first Solo ever and it went off great.  Then T........the awards were soooo late.

I had an extra Mom and Kid in my room for the night.  They rode down with us and her hubby was coming down on Saturday.  I took them back to the hotel so they could swim while we waited on awards. 

When I got back to the room, there was another extra kid and the other kid was annoyed with that one.  Then WE got annoyed with her - she was loud and obviously off her meds.  Her mother went out to eat and didn't come in till 1am to get her.

HELLO!??  Who does that?

Finally some sleep.  Then up and out to brunch for an afternoon of dances.  Some of our groups only had about 2 songs between performances.  That made for some very tired, hot kids and quick changes.

Luckily awards were earlier....5pm.  We met "S" and her Mom for steak dinners.  We were craving a good steak and boy did we pig out!  Got the girls chili cheese fries and we shared parts of our meal with them.  I ordered steak and shrimp with veggies and a caeser salad AND a bowl of baked potato soup!  Piggie!!!!  Gave T the steak.

Back at the hotel.......the girls went swimming.  T had started the morning out not feeling her best, but I kept her full of meds and she seemed to get alot better.

I poured my flask with Seagrams and Sprite and headed poolside to watch and talk.

Someone poopied in the pool!

For real!

They had to evacuate the big pool.....luckily T & S were in the lazy river.  They chemicalized the pool and put up the "Closed" sign.  Boy did we have fun with that one pointing fingers!

 

Later on "S" wanted to stay in our room......no problem.  Still not to bed before 1am.....geeesh!

A late breakfast on Sunday and Miss T and I were off to the outlet to do a little shopping.  Claire's of course!  And the Disney Store.

Home Sweet Home and a nap for me!

 

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Weekend started off rocky...

 

.........I picked up RoxyT from school early to get a head start on the trip.  Once home, she gathered up some movies to watch, etc.  Then I sent her out to make sure the DVD player was in the truck.

Wanna guess?

After 15 minutes of looking through the house, I had her call Tom on bro's cell phone and she asked him "where's the DVD player?" to which he answered (an honest answer) I DON'T KNOW.

I took the phone......said "Tom, where is it?  (I don't know) If there was ever a time to tell the truth now is it --- did you give the dvd player away or what?"

You know the answer.

OMG!

I'll bet it is because I pulled $$$ from the account on him in the middle of his fun!

Miss T is pissed off!  Mad mad mad! And so was I.  I just hung up the phone.

On the way down the road I called the lady who was riding with me and said "just now leaving but....no dvd player" she said they had 2 and she'd bring one.

Then I called Tom back and let him have an earful.  I also made him tell his brother outloud while I listened what he had done and that Miss T didn't care if he ever came home!

OUCH!

I didn't speak to him again until 9:30pm Sunday and that's only because I called him!  How dare he not even call to find out how T did at dance.  He said he wasn't sure he should. 

I said "well whether or not you should have tried.....making that effort could have been brownie points".

MEN! 

Happy Valentine's Day Y'all!!

 

I hope everyone out there has someone to love today, someone who will make them feel special.  Yes, if you were all near I'd give you great big hugs n kisses BUT

I won't share my chocolate!!!!  The only one's I would give up are the cream center ones - yuk!!

Bossman came in with his usual gift of Russell Stover's for me.  I gave him movie tickets - his birthday was last Saturday and it's V-day too.  He's a sweetie.

Hubby said he mailed something to the house, of course I'm not there to get it.  He called this morning wishing me a Happy Day.  I said of course that I appreciated that and would have also liked hugs and kisses, but I'd take the phone call.

Miss T....er Roxy T has a sore throat AGAIN!
Noooooooooooooooooo!

Not with competition starting tomorrow!!

Gotta get that baby well!

Speaking of hubby and his call.

We've talked as you know and he's working on the game plan.

His "proposal" is to come home on the 20th as scheduled with "bells on and a new attitude".

He wants to slow down and stop jumping into the conversation without hearing everything first; he wants to be a better listener - which he was actually attempting recently on the phone.

Also needs to stop feeling inadequate about his role in our life.  Tom claims that when I come home he feels like a school kid that has something to hide, even though he's innocent.

Wonder why that is?

He says he is always afraid he's done something wrong...or has failed to do something, maybe he forgot.

I will admit that if I've said it FOUR TIMES I would expect you to understand and commit it to memory. 

Write it on the calendar.

BUT..........not all things are majorly earth shattering.  And he has to stop acting as if forgetting them will cause WW 2008!  I mean he really gets himself all worked up over small things, actually to the point of slamming his hand on the dash and saying "f" or "dammit", getting that wrinkled forehead that says I'm pissed off....I have said to him recently "Stop it's done, there's nothing you can do about it now".  (So what he forgot to bring the laundry - it can be done tomorrow --- I don't do my light colors at home!)

So here's where I need all y'allz help.

What list should I propose to him?

I know the obvious items, drinking less; drinking and NOT driving; no drugs for crying out loud that's just STUPID!

Respect for ME; Miss er Roxy T and the family.

He has to stop treating us like we were the enemy.

We need to have more fun --- more family fun time. 

He has really enjoyed touring with his bro -- they went to an aircraft museum.  I pointed out to him that when I mention doing this he complains "my knee"....but why is it OK to go with bro and not us???  Hmmm.

I know he's depressed.....bored....but that's his own fault since he won't get up and do anything about it.  Maybe 10 days with bro will show him that just getting out of the house for a bit everyday will help the mindset.

I am wishing for a new and improved Tommy as you can tell.  He's too great of a guy normally to let himself get all caught up in the "wrong crowd" of life.  He has a heart of gold.........but the mindset of a 12 yr old at times.  The days of living carefree and wreckless were over many years ago for him....time to act his age.

Love you all on this day and always!!

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I cut my hair!

Short eh?  See my red streak!  I cut it last Friday.  Tom said "hmmmmm, gonna have a hard time getting used to that".

Shelly cut it a bit short, she even said so as she made the cut ROFLMAO!!!!!!   Not good when your hairdresser says "oooops".

I wanted it on my shoulders, but I don't care .... it'll grow!!!!

Love my red extension piece.....just needed some attitude.

 

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Good Ringie Dingie

Ahhhhhhh  a decent nights sleep!

I was gonna make sure of it....took my meds early enough and I even lit a Lavendar incense stick in the bedroom!  Zzzzzz!

Only about 5 hours but at least it was constant.  Up and get Miss T off to school.....she wants to change her name, to --- guess.....

Roxy  or   Lauren but she'd prefer Roxy!

So I said "well I can just call you Roxy-T or Roxy Lynn"!  (Chicago came to my mind - along with "other" names rofl)

Told you she's nutz.

We have a Dance Competition this weekend!  Solo is Friday night, cross your fingers for her.....she's just "not feeling" the song she says.  The other 3 routines are on Saturday and she's on the money with those.

  Tom's cell phone is DEAD.....DRT as we say in the south (dead right there) and he's calling from his bro's phone.  Seems the charger area of the phone has something broke in it. Sooooo....

I did remind him he's not s'pozed to be on a "vacation for drunks" and he said he'd curb it.  (??????)

They're going to some aircraft museum place today - B52's is what Tom used to work on.  He'll be loving it.

  Then he called about 9:30pm and he was OK....no signs of drinkie.  They'd been out to eat (must be nice) and the nephews were getting ready for bed.

He said he loves me, misses me and knows that we can work this out.  I reminded him of his "game plan" that he's to be working on....that it has to have a "clause".  His brother shoots from the hip, spares no words and I'm sure is giving him HELL-o kitty for his actions.

Hmmmmmm

I do miss him.....kinda.  I mean, yeah it's different without him in the house, a nice different.  Quiet.  Except for Miss Crabby Pants who thinks she can be snappy and all.......we're (roomie and I)having to scold her a bit for her bad attitude and whiney ways.  I don't do whiney well at all!!!

 I am looking at it as if I would be doing this for a while....as in Single and single Mom.  What would I do?  Move?  That would make it easier for me on school, work and dance.

Where would I find a place with the room I currently have for the price I'm paying now?  Nowhere!!!! 

So while my mind is looking FORWARD it is contemplating all angles.  Will Tom come home with a workable plan?  That would be awesome.  If he VOIDS the plan, then at least I've looked far enough ahead to know what I would have to deal with.

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2am Ringie Dingie

 

I thought it odd that Tom had not called before I went to bed, then I remembered he's an hour earlier now in Houston.  So I just said to self, they're talking and having brother time and it's getting late.

I went on to bed;  took a sleeping pill and 1/2 a xanax trying to get some sleep......nope.

At 1:45am my cell rings Tom's tone.

He'd had a couple.

"Hey how are you?  We just finished watching a Vietnam movie" and I'm thinking at 2am??  OK 1AM their time.

I let him talk....he said "I just needed to talk to you, see how you were doing?"

Then he said a real odd thing about his term in Vietnam.  (Air Force Plane Mechanic)

He was irate that the government didn't do anything to help them and don't help now....seems that when one soldier died they sent home for a live body to replace him and for what?  Said it "just pisses me off".  What further irritated him is that he didn't have a choice of going or not......his number was pulled in the draft so he signed up and LOST his "childhood" or early manhood.

Then the phone when dead...guess the battery died.

It's the first time I've ever heard him put it quite that way.  He always seemed to almost enjoy or tollerate his tour; not being on the front line and all.

But he has said in the past how it's terrible to lose a friend in a senseless war.  He has also said how scarey it was to be sent 1/2 way around the globe at such a young age.  Military was not in his future.

I can sympathize with that.  I wouldn't have wanted to be snatched away against my own control.

No, I don't think it's Post Traumatic Stress  ----  I think it's more "tommydrama".

I called the Bro this morning and he was surprised when he heard Tom say this himself right after the movie.  I have been after Tom about watching old war documentary shows and history stuff like that. 

He needs comedy, not anymore drama to dwell on.

Anywho, Tom calls this afternoon from his bro's phone.  I asked why he called at 2am, he said just wanted to talk to you.

I said "Don't do that again!  You know I don't like drunks to call in the middle of the night - I don't put up with it from my father and I'm not going to do it with you!"

I made him say outloud so that bro could hear that he "would not call me drunk or drinking and late like that again" --- he needed to SAY the words to OWN the problem.

It's storming where he is.  We hung up.

Grrrrrrrrrr

Maybe I will sleep well tonight!

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Just Monday

 

I didn't sleep worth a poop last night.  Never do the first night when Tom's away.  I'll get used to it.  I even tried a Xanax thinking it would knock me out good for 5 hours or so......NOT!

Speaking of Tom, he called me 3 times yesterday.  Once while waiting in Atlanta; once while getting settled at his brothers; once after the pro game was over.....he'd had a couple of drinks I could tell...then he was repeating and forgetting that we'd just discussed that....sigh.

Brother had made Ziti and meatballs so Tom had 2 glasses of wine with dinner.  OK....brother can observe and handle it.

This morning after they took the boys to school they were going to drive around, sight see and talk.  Tom usually calls me at NOON but not so far.  Guess they're having a good time.  I hope so.

I let the bro in Tampa know where he was, just in case.  He even asked "a one-way ticket?" roflmao!!!!  The Dad is having knee replacement surgery on V-day....how sweet!  Like Son Like Father this time.

 

Roxy Diva Shelly XX Roxy Mama XX  was talking about dreams and it reminded me of one Miss T was having recently while she was sick.

I woke her to give her some medicine...she was mumbling a bit and I heard her saying something like "I can't catch it......I don't have enough yet".....when she realized I wanted her awake I got scolded because "Now I won't be able to catch the train Mom cause you woke me up and I didn't have enough numbers".

She's a nut! 

 

Still doesn't like her Solo routine much.  Maybe she'll get over that soon......her competition is Friday night, then groups on Saturday.  Geeesh...I hope she gives it her all.

Dance competitions are like a mini vacation for me.  I still have stress, it's just a different kind and much more fun.....er, well, it's the only time I can threaten bodily harm to my kid and everyone around me agree cause they're all doing the same thing!

She's the worst when it comes to hair...and the eyelashes.  And then there's her friend "S" who I have to "adopt" like a second kid while we're there.  She and her mom will be at nerves ends as soon as they get there if not before!

This week is going to be fun ---- yeah right!  Can hardly wait till the weekend!  We don't have any group dances late Saturday (after dinner time) so the girls will spend that time in the pool I'm sure.  Then Sunday will be a leisurely shopping / looking kind of day....the best kind in Myrtle Beach.

Roomie is working on a couple of new websites.  She's going to incorporate some of MY photography as well as hers....I feel honored. 

See how boring my life is?

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Da Plane Boss is heading to TX

 

Yes....at 5am today I dropped Tom off at the airport.  He will be in Houston for 10 days.  No mushy good bye's just a kiss at the curb, I didn't even get out of the vehicle.

We have talked.  He is saying that he doesn't know why he's doing these things because he really really hates the way he feels.  You can see it in his eyes.  He says to himself "stupid! stupid! stupid!"....duhhhh yeah I agree.

Your kind words in my comments have helped keep me sane!!!!  I've actually emailed some to him for him to read later (names excluded). 

So it will be good for him to get away to the brother's - this is a level headed hip shooting man!  Got it going on.  Tom needs to get out there with him and bare his soul.  Funny thing is, bro is gonna say to him the same things I've said.....let's just hope some hit the bullzeye.

Tom says he's coming back with a game plan.  I'm still asking him "what if you get sacked and lose the game?"  .... what next???

He took my suggestion of taking his Prozac 1 in the morn and 1 at night now and I think it's making a difference in his day.  Seems like the 40mg at night was not holding through the day for him somehow.  He said that around 1-3pm he gets real gittery.

He has a wire notebook for writing ---- he took it with him.  I highlighted some of his previous comments in it like "Sharon and I had it out because I was drinking and.............."  so that he can reflect and maybe even let his brother see these things.

I had asked him to start this notebook early last Summer if you recall.  Didn't last.  Maybe 10 entries.  Mostly wrote when he was feeling good, not when he was having crappy moments....which are what we all know we need to document if we're going to solve the puzzle.

 

I made headlines on a couple of blank pages for himto think over while he's in TX.

--What Don't I Like About Myself?

--What Are My Pains?  (on one side physical on the other emotional)

--What I Am I Willing To Do To Change Things?

There was also a note from me in the back of it that said "despite our differences we actually work well together ---- key word being together".

And it's true.......we're fine 80% of the time until.....

The drinking away from home and driving and telling me lies about it.  And it's not always stumbling drunk drinking.

Sometimes it is just a 2 beer attitude - the attitude depends on what he is upset about or in pain over and oddly enough Happy About!!

No, I'm not excusing his attitude, or making excuses for him.  I know he's in pain....the knee replacement that wasn't a miracle cure.

Still he needs to be Responsible!  Da Man!  Someone we're not ashamed of.

StepDad bought and mounted 2 new tires and brought them over on Saturday morning!!!!

You know that had to hurt Tom's manhood.

I drove the truck yesterday and THANK GOD the front end didn't show any signs of damage. 

Tom said what scared him was "bouncing off the curbs like he did".

I reminded him of Heath Ledger..........it's gonna be Tom's headline soon if he doesn't get a grip. 

Raise a glass and a prayer to Texas!

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Hugs for Barbara

My dear singing angel Barbara Confessions Of An Angel Waitress  is stressing so over her Mom and Dad.  Both have been quite sick lately and she found out that her Mom fell and broke her hip and Dad also fell and broke some ribs.

Please drop by and send her your love and keep these beautiful people in your thoughts and prayers.

Tires

This is the second tire.

This is the first tire below.

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A Great Lunch and Missing a Great Man

 

  I got a call earlier from my friend T suggesting we do lunch......what a great gal, she always knows when I need a lift.  She's another blonde bimbo!!!  ROFLMAO.

She had no idea about Tom; but she got the condensed version over Red Robin burgers.

On my way to lunch I remembered I have a hair appt tomorrow and my stepDad has cardiac rehab so I called him.  Turns out he has a 2pm appt with a business associate.

I said "Great!  Let's have lunch" and he asked what's up so I said "maybe I just need some daddy time".

We'll figure out a place in the morning.

On my way back from lunch I was reflecting on my situation.................

and I found myself needing my Papa.

The only stable man in my 42 years (other than stepDad for 29).

I just needed to be with him again, out in the yard, looking out at the property, his arm around my shoulder as was the norm.

Then I get back to the office wondering why he came to mind, other than the obvious.

Tomorrow he's been gone from us 8 years.

Tears are trying to flow, but I'm holding back.  Soon I will cry if not for the lonliness of needing him, from the frustration of my world.

He would have been 81 his next birthday (LJ's birthday too) in 2000; 89 this year.  Wow.  Time has flown.

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Ramblings about this week

Lonely Street.........snagged from Joyce!

Yes the truck still sits......I should post a picture of the tires. 

He still claims to have hit a curb (I'm sure he did AFTER) but the tires clearly indicate two very clean puncture wounds....like from an ice pick.

Has he pissed off someone in da hood?

Where will the next puncture be?  Personal?

I'm afraid if he ventures back, they won't hesitate.  I told him many years ago if he kept going back down there one day he'd end up floating in the river by their hands and not mine.  He would be doing himself in.

I spoke with his brother via email.

I have & will continue to talk to him. The fact of the matter is, if he won't change for his own reasons, he won't do it for anyone else. Maybe you need to set some defined boundries w/ definite consiquences. It's human nature if he can act this way & not suffer the conciquences then why stop? I have asked him to leave my home in the past & would not hesitate to do it again. There seems to be some trouble in his life, weather real or persived. I believe that is the root of this type of behavior. Self destruction is not the way to handle unhappiness. He just needs to be honest about life & make some decisions about what he wants to do. If you two cannot have this kind of disscussion then maybe you can w/ an intermidiate or third party.

His words resound yours of course and they're right on the money as we all know, yes even I know it and have known it for a long while.  I told him I totally agree.

Trouble is Tom refuses therapy.  I suggested hypnosis.  Tom said "haven't thought about that".

Tom claims he cannot talk to me.  He cannot open up and be free to show me his pain.

That's BS....he did it in the beginning of our relationship.  And we've had many heart to hearts since about loads of stuff from his feelings about his Mom, his girls, my daughter, his pains........

I know he's bored with life.  He's retired and refuses to make a life for himself i.e. fishing or volunteering or just sitting at the local greasy spoon talking to the patrons.

His is indeed a sad life.

Sleeps till 11am after taking Miss T to school.  This gives him time to medicate and shower before time to head out (1:30pm) to pick her up.  Then it's homework and off to dance.

So guess what falls in my lap now..... his Mr Mom duties.  And I work.....20 miles away.  Which means that on days when my Nanny or Mom can't pick her up and meet me 1/2 way I'll have to take a late lunch to pick her up and get her to dance.  That will be at least one day.

Monday she dances at 6pm....I just have to leave in time to get home and turn around to come back.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday dance is earlier - 4:30 and 3:45.  Thurs is the day I'd have to boogie to get her.

That is if my Mom is not busy on Tues or Wed.

I'm all for him going to visit the brother in TX.  He FINALLY talked with Mike last night and said "I can't believe I'm doing this stuff again".  Mike said "come on anytime".

Why don't I send him right now?

Gotta check my wallet.  Since I've given him $300 recently and "poof" and I have to be out of town next week I'm NOT gonna be low on cash-ola! 

Tom has a pension and SS income.  We have the normal abi-normal (Young Frankenstein) bills.

(Shhhh I'm not broke and I get paid next week - but he can't know that !!  Or else he'd spend spend spend if on a binge thinking "sharon will take care of it".)

We have separate accounts THANK GOD!  We have a joint acct where his pension & ss is deposited and bills are paid from, gas and grocery etc.

I have a sep. personal at a different bank where my piddly paycheck goes.  Funny, there's ususally money in that one LOL even though I spend it on dance, gifts, grocery and gas too!!!!

But.........times are tough at my job.  The moritorium still has not lifted and we don't have any houses to start yet.  Economy is bad.

So I'm on part time (30hrs) which is what I really want - to be able to go and come as I please where Miss T is concerned.  Except now I'm a one man band cause co-worker moved to TX.  Makes it tougher and boss won't hire anyone else.  Can't blame him.

I feel like Gumby.....always taking care of other situations when I need Tom to be da Man and Mr Mom etc.

There are still dance costumes to get ready BEFORE 2/15.  It's just small stuff right now, adjusting straps etc. 

Miss T feels MUCH better.....a real bad cold.  Poor thing, you should have heard her trying to cough that junk up.  Went to the doc on Tuesday NOT THE FLU!!  She's back at school today; although I'm not gonna let her go to dance tonight....no need pushing and risk reinfestation.

Today is my FRIDAY!!!  Woooo Hoooo!  Tomorrow I have a hair appointment for root touch up and I need my nails filled.

Pamper time!

  Love you all......thanks for your support.  You guys ROCK and keep me sane!

.........Sharon

 

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Love SICK!

This won't win me any nice awards that's for sure.

I am SICK!  Sick of seeing and hearing all around me about LOVE.

My "love" is crashing around me.

I don't have any "love" to celebrate other than my wonderful daughter.

I am hating the whole Valentine's theme.

I am hating the man I married more and more, yet .........

As I do love him, I cannot tolerate his current lifestyle.

Lies

Drugs

Alcohol

Total disregard for ME and our family.

It is 3am.....30 mins ago a tow truck drove in with my truck on its bed.  Another sliced front tire.  Tire #2 this week.  These are brand new tires that I bought just 2 weeks prior to Christmas.

That truck will sit like that till the COWS COME HOME!

Tonight I attempted to have him stopped by the cops, only he didn't come home like he said he was from a bar.

Had they stopped him, the truck would have been impounded; Tom would face 5 years in jail for being a repeat offender.  Truck would have been sold at an auction to the highest bidder (it's paid for thankfully).

But as roomie said 'tis better for him to have turned to crack-town rather than to have run into your ambush and lose the truck'.

Damn she's right ya know........but.

He's been wanting to go to TX to see his brother, the one who can "help me figure this out".  Only I'm not so sure the brother wants him there in this state of mind.

He's really pathetic.

One day I'm going to read these entries and ask myself why I waited so long.

Love this graphic Jill made just for me!!!

Ashley Ryan Update

I rec'd a comment earlier that read:

Comment from: lioncage@bellsouth.net
"Ashley Ryan is back, if you haven't heard yet, btw. Saw/hugged her today.

So I wanted to find out....I searched the TV station's website and found this post:

Ashley Ryan FOUND

Submitted by Mom (not verified) on 4 February 2008 - 12:33pm.

Ashley was recovered in Key West, Florida, and we returned home with her Sunday. She's healthy and happy, and back in school. Thank you for those who shared our concern.   Julie Ryan

Julie is the mom.  I would love to hear the story.  Her Dad and I talked a bit as you may remember.  I am just so glad that she is home safe!!!!

She may grounded for the rest of her life (rofl) but at least she's home!!!!  Thank you lioncage for making me aware of this.

As a parent I would hope that I would handle a situation like this with love and concern ---- not quick to judge or condemn.  We all make mistakes or feel inadequate at times.

Hey Kids.....if you're reading this, your parents are NOT your enemy.  There is nothing that they can't handle with you and for you if you'll just let them.  Sometimes it's called "Tough Love" (read the book!) but it is out of LOVE!!

Isn't that Missie just sooooo creative!!

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Giants Super Bowl Champs

 

Yep....Tom's doing the happy dance.

Someone had to shut down the Patriots.

 

Miss T is sick, so sick with a fever and sore throat.

I've been down with my lower back in a kink.  Finally got it to move after 3 hours on a TENS machine and heat.  Now if my headache would go away.  I feel like I'm gonna be sick too.....nothing like sharing the love I guess.  My throat is feeling the twinge.

I'm sure I'm run down with all the going and sewing and stress.  Heading to bed.  Nite all!

(my psychic told me the south would win)

 

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Not so comfy on my coast

My world is not so happy right now.

Where hubby is concerned it rarely is anymore.

Last night about 7 he drove me and Miss T to the dance studio so we could work on costumes.

Yes, I could have drove myself, but he had been antsy all week and I figured I'd give him a small project.....take the girls to town; I'll call you and you can pick us up in a couple of hours.

Around 11:30 I called him...........he was "changing a flat tire" in an area he was NOT supposed to be ....... and drunk.

I asked why, he didn't know; I said "see if you had stuck to the plan of going over to Katy's Restaurant, then picking me up like planned this would not have happened".

He said I KNOW.

By 1 am he had not called nor shown up.

I figured my lil bro would be downtown bar hopping so I called him.  Sure enough he was and said I could come get his car.  My dance mom friend who was with us drove me and Miss T down, got bro and took off to get his car.

Tom showed up at home at 5am.

He had lost his phone last night.  He never admitted the whole truth.

Then at 10am HIS phone called MY phone....hmmmmm.

A lady saying that her hubby was riding his bike this morning and found it in da hood.  I said THANK YOU and that I would come get it. 

So I turned towards my bedroom and say "How about that Tom?  Your phone called and said it was lost, but found ---- wanna guess where it was calling from?"

That's when he admitted the truth.

That's when I said it's time to pack.

A one-way plane ticket to Houston is $194 on Wednesday.  I think he should "get away" as Southwest says.

I picked up the phone at 12:30.  The lady was very nice - her hubby a Dr.

I've had a long 3 days.....little sleep.....working on costumes.  Dealing with him.  Today was dress rehearsal.  I was late...I'm never late for dress rehearsal or competitions.  Needless to say it's been a long day.