Sunday, February 10, 2008

Da Plane Boss is heading to TX 5am today I dropped Tom off at the airport.  He will be in Houston for 10 days.  No mushy good bye's just a kiss at the curb, I didn't even get out of the vehicle.

We have talked.  He is saying that he doesn't know why he's doing these things because he really really hates the way he feels.  You can see it in his eyes.  He says to himself "stupid! stupid! stupid!"....duhhhh yeah I agree.

Your kind words in my comments have helped keep me sane!!!!  I've actually emailed some to him for him to read later (names excluded). 

So it will be good for him to get away to the brother's - this is a level headed hip shooting man!  Got it going on.  Tom needs to get out there with him and bare his soul.  Funny thing is, bro is gonna say to him the same things I've said.....let's just hope some hit the bullzeye.

Tom says he's coming back with a game plan.  I'm still asking him "what if you get sacked and lose the game?"  .... what next???

He took my suggestion of taking his Prozac 1 in the morn and 1 at night now and I think it's making a difference in his day.  Seems like the 40mg at night was not holding through the day for him somehow.  He said that around 1-3pm he gets real gittery.

He has a wire notebook for writing ---- he took it with him.  I highlighted some of his previous comments in it like "Sharon and I had it out because I was drinking and.............."  so that he can reflect and maybe even let his brother see these things.

I had asked him to start this notebook early last Summer if you recall.  Didn't last.  Maybe 10 entries.  Mostly wrote when he was feeling good, not when he was having crappy moments....which are what we all know we need to document if we're going to solve the puzzle.


I made headlines on a couple of blank pages for himto think over while he's in TX.

--What Don't I Like About Myself?

--What Are My Pains?  (on one side physical on the other emotional)

--What I Am I Willing To Do To Change Things?

There was also a note from me in the back of it that said "despite our differences we actually work well together ---- key word being together".

And it's true.......we're fine 80% of the time until.....

The drinking away from home and driving and telling me lies about it.  And it's not always stumbling drunk drinking.

Sometimes it is just a 2 beer attitude - the attitude depends on what he is upset about or in pain over and oddly enough Happy About!!

No, I'm not excusing his attitude, or making excuses for him.  I know he's in pain....the knee replacement that wasn't a miracle cure.

Still he needs to be Responsible!  Da Man!  Someone we're not ashamed of.

StepDad bought and mounted 2 new tires and brought them over on Saturday morning!!!!

You know that had to hurt Tom's manhood.

I drove the truck yesterday and THANK GOD the front end didn't show any signs of damage. 

Tom said what scared him was "bouncing off the curbs like he did".

I reminded him of Heath's gonna be Tom's headline soon if he doesn't get a grip. 

Raise a glass and a prayer to Texas!


eml625 said...

I am praying this time away is what he needs. You really seem to love him and want to make this work.
I hope the time away also does YOU good. You need this as much as he does.
God Bless.

garnett109 said...

Keeping tom in my thoughts and prayers!
I hope dr. Phil ain't toms brother.

momiscool2 said...

Praying for you and your family!!!

deshelestraci said...

Good deal.  Time away will do good.  He needs AA or NA.  You should go to al anon.  Miss T should go too.  The thing with an alcoholic is that ANY drink is cause for alarm.  Just two is two more than he ever needs.  I threatened to leave my hubby when he decided that he would buy nips from the liquor store.  In his stinking thinking he thought he could do that with no problems.  Just a sign he was treading on dangerous water.  He thought I was over reacting.  I was serious.  He quit (again).  And he is in a form of AA called Celebrate Recovery right now even though he isn't in full addiction mode.  He will always be an addict.  
I probably should have emailed this but maybe someone else will benefit from reading it.
Prayers going up!

xxroxymamaxx said...

A glass and a prayer to Texas!!  love you and I wish all of you only the best!!  I hoep Tom can get his act together for all of your sakes! Shelly

peytonswater said...

I think this is amazing, and I hope something happens to turn him around. I beleive him when he says he hates it, it's a disease, the difference is, people can tolerate diseases not associated with alcohol and drugs. But in truth, there is little difference.
Stay strong my friend
Much love

mpnaz58 said...

Hopefully, he'll come to his senses...different environment, heart to heart talks with his brother...and missing you and Miss T!  A lil' R&R for you too!  Take care...
xoxo ~Myra

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))I do hope and pray His brother canhelp Him.

trishaham said...

Best of luck and God Bless to both of you.


cacklinrosie101 said...

Sure will raise and glass and say a prayer to the trip to Texas.  I have a feeling that this is getting close to the last straw.  Hopefully, his bro will be able to knock some sense into him.  Sometimes it takes someone else saying the same things to get through.  Praying for ya, Chris

imgr8phil said...

I hope he comes back with a new attitude but that sounds remote to me.  You take these ten days to think about your end of the relationship.  You will be without him and the constant warries, will your life and your daughter's be improved over the next week.  My guess is it will.  You cannot hang on to something that brings you down.  If he doesn't change then you will have to.  Take care sweetie.


randlprysock said...

This might be a really good thing for him to go on this trip.  Many hugs,

cuteallison1980 said...

I pray for you everyday.  I pray that you will be happy.  I never like to see anyone unhappy and sometimes you bring me to tears.  I can't really imagine being in your shoes.  I know you hurt a lot and that is what makes me sad.  I hope you have a good week or so without him.  : )


queeniemart said...

i do wish him the best...i know you love him....i just want the happy world for you that you deserve.....i UNDERSTAND all of this you go thru, SO well.
LOVE, lisa

sunnybethe said...

HI Sharon..I'm getting caught up on journals...didn't know he had left yet.  It was time for a break..for your sanity.

big hugs,  ~Bethe~      

rgossett4195 said...

I pray he helps himself.  rose