While I am still sick and battling this cold I am still alive and well.
Thank you ALL for the wonderful comments and well wishes.
My brain is being fried due to all the stress related partitions of my life.
For instance I was supposed to pick up a little girl last Wednesday night and I forgot....until Friday night!! Bad me! Luckily the Mom made other arrangements.
So Tom is home.......
Thursday I stayed home from work...sore throat, headache, snotz etc. Friday was the same. Then Tom said Friday afternoon about 4pm "I'm going to run see "J" at the restaurant" and I gave him that look and a sigh. He said "trust me".
He called at 5pm and said "do you want me to pick up pizza?" and we all said yes.
6pm......7pm........7:30pm I left home to pick up a sandwich from Smithfield's since Miss T and Roomie had already eaten. He was NOT at the restaurant or the pizza joint or the bar.
Midnight.......in comes Tom.
He had aggravated himself over the DVD player and decided to go and try to "buy it back"..............unsuccessfully.
I yelled and fussed and threatened and threw things and made him call his brother to tell him that only 48 hours after being home, here we go again.
Brother and I both said that we think he is deliberately trying to sabotage this relationship.
That's when the mess began....
Back and forth over what DO you want? and I don't know and stop wasting my life and why and.........on.
Then he said a heartbreaker........
That he didn't have that loving feeling anymore, not like he used to. He then explained how I had been making him feel less than a part of this relationship.
He was right. OMG.
And that he had also been shutting me out as well and that was not good. We needed to be US again like before.
We held each other.
And realized that we needed to get back to basics. Back to focusing on us and the life ahead.
I had been pushing him away....I know that...I felt that. What else could he do? It just never seemed to end with our constant unhappiness so we were both fighting each other like a tug of war.
Saturday we spent cleaning on the house. Then we cooked dinner together....a nice change. We used to do that...see? Used to. He invited me out to a movie "Vantage Point" - great show! and then we had Coldstone Ice Cream. Just like a real date. He held my hand and opened the doors.
WHO IS THIS MAN????
Sunday was nice........I cooked breakfast and we went to the grocery store. Tom asked me if I'd help him cook the sauce and make Ziti. I said OK, but I had chipped one of the acrylic nails and needed to fix it, so I took off. Only they were not open and when I got home the sauce was complete.
We had wine with dinner....Tom had 2 glasses. I said "let me make an observation please without you getting defensive" and I said that I noticed he had 2 glasses of wine; yet when he'd go to the restaurant and have 2 glasses he was always more than schnockered.
He admitted that there were stops at the liquor store prior to that. But now NO MORE LIES -- always upfront.
Am I skeptical? Yes. Am I going to keep my eyes open and my fingers crossed??
We had lunch together today after his VA appointment. It was nice. No stress....good conversation.
He's even reading the book his brother sent home with him. He started it today. Joel Olsteen "Your Best Life Now".
Wow...and he's not a reader!!!!
Hmmmmmm me thinks there's hope yet.
We've talked about moving.....not soon, but eventually. I know he's always wanted to go to Florida....Sarasota area (hey Martha!!). I know I would love it too.......if I could get past my fears.
My silly fears.