Monday, February 25, 2008

Interesting weekend

While I am still sick and battling this cold I am still alive and well.

Thank you ALL for the wonderful comments and well wishes.

My brain is being fried due to all the stress related partitions of my life.

For instance I was supposed to pick up a little girl last Wednesday night and I forgot....until Friday night!!  Bad me!  Luckily the Mom made other arrangements. 

So Tom is home.......

Thursday I stayed home from work...sore throat, headache, snotz etc.  Friday was the same.  Then Tom said Friday afternoon about 4pm "I'm going to run see "J" at the restaurant" and I gave him that look and a sigh.  He said "trust me".

He called at 5pm and said "do you want me to pick up pizza?" and we all said yes.

6pm......7pm........7:30pm I left home to pick up a sandwich from Smithfield's since Miss T and Roomie had already eaten.  He was NOT at the restaurant or the pizza joint or the bar. comes Tom.

He had aggravated himself over the DVD player and decided to go and try to "buy it back"..............unsuccessfully.

I yelled and fussed and threatened and threw things and made him call his brother to tell him that only 48 hours after being home, here we go again.

Brother and I both said that we think he is deliberately trying to sabotage this relationship.

That's when the mess began....

Back and forth over what DO you want? and I don't know and stop wasting my life and why and.........on.

Then he said a heartbreaker........

That he didn't have that loving feeling anymore, not like he used to.  He then explained how I had been making him feel less than a part of this relationship.


He was right.  OMG.

And that he had also been shutting me out as well and that was not good.  We needed to be US again like before.

We cried.

We held each other.

And realized that we needed to get back to basics.  Back to focusing on us and the life ahead.

I had been pushing him away....I know that...I felt that.  What else could he do?  It just never seemed to end with our constant unhappiness so we were both fighting each other like a tug of war.

Saturday we spent cleaning on the house.  Then we cooked dinner together....a nice change.  We used to do that...see?  Used to.  He invited me out to a movie "Vantage Point" - great show! and then we had Coldstone Ice Cream.  Just like a real date.  He held my hand and opened the doors.


Sunday was nice........I cooked breakfast and we went to the grocery store.  Tom asked me if I'd help him cook the sauce and make Ziti.  I said OK, but I had chipped one of the acrylic nails and needed to fix it, so I took off.  Only they were not open and when I got home the sauce was complete.

We had wine with dinner....Tom had 2 glasses.  I said "let me make an observation please without you getting defensive" and I said that I noticed he had 2 glasses of wine; yet when he'd go to the restaurant and have 2 glasses he was always more than schnockered.

He admitted that there were stops at the liquor store prior to that.  But now NO MORE LIES -- always upfront.

Am I skeptical?  Yes.  Am I going to keep my eyes open and my fingers crossed??

You betcha!

We had lunch together today after his VA appointment.  It was nice.  No stress....good conversation.

He's even reading the book his brother sent home with him.  He started it today.  Joel Olsteen "Your Best Life Now".


Wow...and he's not a reader!!!!

Hmmmmmm me thinks there's hope yet.

We've talked about moving.....not soon, but eventually.  I know he's always wanted to go to Florida....Sarasota area (hey Martha!!).  I know I would love it too.......if I could get past my fears.

My silly fears.



nolefan38 said...

Wishing yall all the happiness and you already know, it takes a lot of work............. hugs and love .......... Sherry

chat2missie said...

I only wish for you to be happy!!  I sure hope this is a good change for Tom.

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))I do hope and pray thigs work out for you.Nohing but peace and  happyness.

fasttrack58 said...

Wishing you guys the best...
Linda :)

madcobug said...

Sending up prayers for you both that you can make it and be happy. Hugs, Helen

ktkamanski said...

A move may be the change that is needed. Happy to hear there was a start at something new. None of this happened over night, so change may take some time. I am wishing the TWO of you the very best with hopes for a Happy ending. Take care and enjoy each other.

robinngabster said...

Come to FLORIDA! Crossing my fingers that things with you and Tom keep getting better and better!  Feel better too!

lifes2odd said...

Well Sharon all I can do is keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things will work out. Keep me posted on the possibilities of moving this way! That would be so great! Martha :-)

queeniemart said...

i will pray for you ,Tom and Miss T.
i love you


deshelestraci said...

Not your silly fears.  Legitimate ones.  Of course you have pushed him away.  He has done loads to hurt you.  I'm praying for you Sharon.  It is a hard thing to give him another chance.

garnett109 said...

go get her tom!

imgr8phil said...

I don't envy the situation you are in.  You know what is best for you.  You have a right to feel skeptical, but above all, don't ever let him make you feel like it is your fault because we know better.  Take care.


xxroxymamaxx said...

Sweet!!  : )  Hope you get to feeling better!! Love, Shelly

P.S.  yes, move to Florida, yes, move to Florida, yes, move to Florida.  I'm trying to brainwash you. lol

randlprysock said...

So wonderful!!!  Romantic dinners and good heart to heart talks.... sounds like something to look forward to each week.  And that Osteen book sounds wonderful!
Lisa : )

cuteallison1980 said...

I'm glad he is reading that book and you both have a lot of work to do to get back on track.  It will take a lot of commitment on both sides and maybe even therapy could help by allowing you both an outlet.  Anyway, have a happy tomorrow. : )


jckfrstross said...

so glad you all are working this out together:) have a good week


sunnybethe said...

I'm a skeptic, but there sounds to be a glimmer of hope.  Date nights are gooood.  Got my fingers crossed it sticks.


ukgal36 said...

wishing you all the very best

peytonswater said...

First off I think you are taking a lot of blame, yes you were pushing him away, but I think he had that comming. We all have self defense protection we use and that was it. Get over your fears and MOVE to Sarasota, then eventually we all we be there :) One big old woman gang of sun dried Jlanders hanging at the beach!
Hugs and Love

mpnaz58 said...

Its easy to lose sight of the core of any relationship when we can't see past our own...failures, weaknesses.  I am sure it took a lot for him to say what he did, just as it was difficult to hear.  Obviously, you care for eachother very much.  Perhaps a change of scenery for him, away from his haunts...and a change of pace for you too, so you can both focus on what you want...a loving, lasting relationship.
xoxo ~Myra

newsworthy822 said...

It's normal that you were pushing Tom away, given his history and the way he is good for a while and then slips back.  I'd be leery too... but hopefully he is serious this time.  His continuing to drink worries me... I have seen so many who are able to control it for a while before it goes back to compulsive use.  GOd bless him if he can... I'd love to know his secret. LOL.  Good luck to you both!!

dcmeyer420 said...

Glad you and Tom are doing better. Praying for both of you. I'd love to see more entries like this. It's very touching.
Hugs to you, Ms. T and Tom...

rgossett4195 said...

YOu are wise to be careful.  Even wiser to give him a chance by going back to basics.  Joel's book is excellent for someone like Tom.  Easy to understand, not too preacher.  I've watched Joel for years and seen three times in person.  

Hang in there, ask God for guidence, HE won't let you down!  rose

eml625 said...

My advice, he needs to stop completely still. But if this will work for you guys, then I pray it does.
I'm here for you

katie39041 said...

I know i am late with this, But had to leave my comment. I am glad that you both realised there was mistakes on both sides. Getting back to basics is a great idea. There is love there its just been buried by life, you need to dig back to get it back if you get my rambling. Relationships are not easy we make mistakes but knowing you made them makes all the difference, good on ya both.
love and hugs

cacklinrosie101 said...

Well, I am keeping my fingers crossed and saying my prayers.  Nobody more than me would love to see a happy ending.  I'm glad you both have come to realizations and are working together.  I'm sure you knew the answer to the 2 glasses of wine before and the 2 glasses now but at least he came out in the open with it and that's a huge start.  Love n Hugs Chris